Falling in Love

We were at church recently and as I mentioned in previous blogs, I haven't been that well. In fact, due to some sudden health scares and complications, it made me do an instant halt and re-evaluate what's really important; my health or everyone and everything else?  So for now, I chose getting healthy and it caused me to step down and take a step back from volunteering, especially at church. Which might I add was a very hard thing for me to do, because I was so dedicated and immersed in my ministry work; I was even going to the Praise School of Ministry to become a better ministry leader so when I all of a sudden couldn't do it, I just needed to accept that sometimes, stepping back and letting go is the best thing to do.

But anyway, getting back to why I originally started blogging this, my husband and I were at church when the Pastors wife came up to us and asked how I was doing?  I told her I was much better than I was the week prior and that I appreciated the support and prayers of our church family members as they really renewed my spirit.  Then  she gave me some encouraging words and turned to my husband and told him that he needs to be a leader in the household and make sure to always lead his wife to the Lord.  My husband and I looked at each other and smiled and my husband graciously told her, yes I will, but in my head, I was saying to myself, He already does that?

The thing about my husband is that he is not the type of person that so freely expresses himself that the whole world can look at him and instantly know what kind of man he is.  In all actuality, there are many layers to my husband, layers that I don't think anyone has ever really even seen or known about except for myself, him and God?  So I was thinking about what the Pastor's wife said and was just wondering why she would say that?  Was it a subliminal message saying that because I stopped volunteering that I am veering away from my faith?  Was it just words of encouragement or was it just so that she could say something inspirational to my husband?  So here I was being the thinker that I am...always thinking, thinking, thinking.....just like Winnie the Pooh, just without all the honey! LOL..that reminds me, if you ever want to know what my husband and I are like and look like....we pretty much look and act like Winnie the Pooh and piglet!...ok...getting back to what I was saying.

So here I was thinking when I had an epiphany! When people first meet my husband, they don't really like him!  It's funny, but it's true!  My husband is very stand offish and doesn't really socialize, in fact if it was up to him, he would be in and out without hesitation and back in the safety of his beloved house where his best friends the television, ipad and computer are. Naturally, this is not really a good trait to have, especially at church where everyone is so warm and welcoming so no one really knows or talks to my husband at church, accept for a select few who actually get him.  Aside from being an introvert, he is very straight forward, my husband hates dilly dallying and beating around the bush, when he needs something he will say it, when he wants something he will say it and when he has an opinion he isn't afraid to tell you regardless of what your status is, so again..reasons people don't like my husband.

But like I said in the beginning, there are layers to this magnificent man, layers that no one ever gets to see, which is why I am blogging and gushing about him so everyone can get at least a glimpse of what I see in him everyday!

I always tease my husband and say he suffers from "White Knight Syndrome." One layer of my husband is that he is chivalrous..yes that's right ladies, Chivalry still exist and I was one of the blessed ones to get him!  I have countless stories I can tell you of where my husband courageously put himself aside and helped someone in need, regardless of how big or small or even dangerous, he always tries to help in every way that he can, which is why I love him so much!  I think I mentioned some of the other stories in other blogs, if not, I should start, because he really deserves some credit, but that's another layer about him.

My husband hates the lime light, he says that when he does something, it isn't to get the credit or the glory, he does it because he WANTS to do it and he does it to serve the Lord and that isn't anything special to need recognition or anything.  Again at church, people would come up to me and make comments about how they never saw my husband in the Sunday service and he was always missing, but what they don't know, even now is that as soon as he gets to church, someone is always calling on him for assistance because he knows about networking and programming so he volunteers and helps set up the background and fix things.  He is also a Sunday School teacher and all those weeks he wasn't in the service, it was because he was helping me by teaching Sunday School classes that I wasn't able to find volunteers for.  But no one ever knows that about him, because they don't really talk to him.

Another thing about my husband is that when he loves, he does it whole heartedly!  When he met me, I was already damaged goods.  My heart was in pieces, I didn't know who I was or where I was going, but yet he still loved me and since I'm spilling all our secrets, when I get depressed, it is a very dark time in our household.  At one point when my depression was really bad, I became catatonic to the point where I just couldn't function and my husband had to dress me, feed me and put me to bed because I would just cry and cry and cry and when I wasn't crying I was just numb. Also, when I was rushed to the E.R. my husband never left my side, despite having scoliosis and a weak back, he sat next to me on a stool without any complaint for 14 hours straight because he wanted to be near me, incase anything happened.  Aside from all of this, whenever I do start going into a dark place, my husband is the ONLY one who could ever bring me back to the light.

So why am I telling you all of this, because I love him, not just for what he is or who he is, but because he first loved me and by him just loving me, he reminds me of God's love for me and how he blessed me with such a precious gift and in turn, I fall even more deeply in love with the Lord each and everyday that he blesses me with a husband who shows me kindness, patience, benevolence and above all else LOVE...isn't that what the Lord wants for us after all?  So for all you out there that sees someone in church that really isn't that approachable, maybe next time you can get to know them a little more, you never know, they just might show you how to fall in love with the Lord!....until next time

What happened to Russhelle this time?

Hello my beloved friends! I know it's been awhile since I've chatted with you; truth be told, it's been another tough year for me and I've been spending the past couple of months just trying to keep it together.

I really don't even know where to begin except to say that I have had enough sorrow these past few years to last me forever! It seems like whenever life starts to look up for me, something always has to push me down?

As you probably have gathered in my previous blogs, things didn't really work out at the Post Office.  I loved the environment and the people, it just wasn't something that I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing.  All my life, I have known with conviction that my dedication is working with children, and if I were to stay at the Post Office, I know my dreams would have never of been realized, that and the job was just way out of my league! I mean, you have to be at your top physical shape, otherwise that workload is BRUTAL!  After leaving the Post Office, my husband and I tried our hand at starting our own business doing what we did before which was medical billing and my husband contracted work against my wishes and his better judgement, with his sisters boyfriend.  One of the individuals might I add that made my life a living hell at that horrible job that took so much away from me!  Reluctantly, I agreed to work with him and after a couple of months, my husbands sister who doesn't like me very much decided she didn't want to be within the same proximity as me and convinced her boyfriend to end our contract, so again we were both out of work.

Frustrated, I decided I needed a break from the rat race and decided my husband need to take the reigns because I just didn't have it in me anymore.

My husband did find work and things looked like they were finally starting to get better, but then they decided to let him go and we were left scrambling for some solid ground again.  At this point, I decided I needed to suck it up and get back out there, but all the jobs I wanted or felt like I qualified for demanded at least a B.A. which is why I decided to go back to school and finally finish.

But then I got sick and had to slow my roll way back, which is where I am at right now.  I ended up in the hospital which is another blog, but it made me stop in my tracks and really think about my life and what was important and because of it, I had to give up a lot of things, such as volunteering so much.  It saddened me, but I stepped down as Children's Ministry Coordinator while I figure out what's going to happen to me next?  I stopped planning so many events, but most importantly I stopped worrying about the million and one things that are totally out of my control.

To be honest I think this is all the Lord's doing and I thank Him and give Him all the glory because it says in the bible:

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10 ESV

and also, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12 ESV

I know that a lot of my blogs thus far have been pretty depressing and sad, but looking back and reading them, I can see more clearly now that the Lord is truly working in my life and I just praise Him at His mighty work because I know that He has a wonderful plan for me!...Until next time my beloved.

The grace of God

I went to the store with my mom the other day and as we were walking towards the store, I noticed a store clerk collecting shopping carts. Usually this isn't something anyone would pay attention to, but I guess I'm more observant than the usual, but he caught my attention because he was new; I frequent this shop and know the usual employees so when I seen him, I guess I was registering him as a new employee or something, but also I noticed he was an older gentleman, close to my moms age and I even told my mom, " hey mom why don't you work here..this is where you first started working anyway isn't it?" My mom brushed me off and we went inside to shop.

We were suppose to just run in really quick and buy some doggy shampoo ( my doggy got a bit of a flea infestation, but that's another time, another blog). Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted by myself, getting back to the story...we ended up just walking around the store and spending more time then we intended to. By the time we got to the front of the store to pay a frantic older woman came in looking flustered and asked with a shaky voice, " did anyone turn in a purse by any chance, I doubt it though?" The lady at the register looked around and said " no, I didn't see anything."  Could see in her face that her heart sank as she was holding back tears, she replied, " I figured, can I use your phone to call my daughter? I was putting my bags in the car and there was a car waiting for me so I was rushing and I forgot my bag in the cart." My heart went out to her and I prayed in my heart for her to find her purse.

My mother started suggesting places it might be like her trunk or maybe the backseat of her car? The lady replied, " no it's not there, whoever took it came up to because I just went to the bank and there's $1,000 in there...her eyes started to water and just then the same man that I saw collecting carts walked by and I remembered and informed her that the male employee might know what happened to it because I saw him in the parking lot earlier collecting carts. She quickly turned around to the gentle man and asked him about her purse and he said "yes, we have it, let me get it for you, it's in the back." As he left to retrieve the purse, her face lit up and her confidence returned as she yelled, " he found it, he has it!!!" We all praised The Lord and as she waited for the employee to bring her purse back, my mom went up to her and gave her a comforting pat on the back as she turned around my mom gave her some comforting words and she thanked my mom. My mom told her though it wasn't her and pointed to me and said it was my daughter that remembered but it was God that put us there at the right moment. She thanked me and agreed and said she's going to go home and get down on her knees and pray now. She thanked us again and told my mom that her husband has dementia and she has just been so all over the place worrying and taking care of  him, that's why she had all that money because she had to go pay all the bills and run a bunch of errands. We gave her some more comforting words and left the store, but it's moments like these that we really see the grace of God. Times where you wouldn't even expect it. I mean, the fact that we were only suppose to get in and out and right when we got there for me to pay extra attention to the employee collecting the shopping carts. I truly believe it was all by the Grace if God if not for anything, but to be there for this lady at what could of been her darkest hour. Thanking The Lord for giving me the opportunity to see HIM in action and just wanted to share this story...until next time my beloved <3

Perseverance

Hello my wonderful friends around the world! It feels like we haven't spoken in ages! How are you? As for me, so much has happened in the last couple of months, don't even know where to begin?!

Hmmm, let's start from the beginning then; so in the beginning God created the heavens and earth. Too far back? I agree, let's fast forward to the beginning of this month better. So as I mentioned before, my husband and I were well on our way of starting our own company and everything was being set up and what not. We were doing medical billing services for this collection agency and for reasons only known to the owner, we HAD to be in his office?? We requested to work from our own location, but the owner insisted the work needed to be done in his office so we went, but it turned out they didn't want me, they only wanted my husband, the bad part for them was that they had no say so because it was OUR business and my husband needed me there. Truthfully, myself and the owners girlfriend are not on very good terms which is why they were not happy I was there, but what could they do? Well let me tell you what they could and DID DO!! They or should I say the owners girlfriend made it a point to do everything in her power to get me out so one day she pouted and huffed and puffed and made a HuGE deal out of the absolutely nothing so we left and truth be told, we couldn't be happier!

In all honesty, we weren't very happy there, the environment was very hostile and negative, I felt like I was in High School everytime I stepped into that office if you can catch my drift? All they did was gossip, mess around, curse and talk about the most inappropriate things all the time and it was just so negative! 

So there we were without work again but this time we just praised The Lord and knew it was from him so we didn't worry we had nothing but peace in our hearts, then my older sister called me and asked us to do her a favor? I'm not one to pry so if someone needs my help I'm all in, so I was like sure whatever. The next day she came with her training manager and showed us this new company she joined. Being that we were currently out of work we were intrigued with this new opportunity and decided to go all in and joined the company as well. When we got to the office for the open house we were met with the warmest smiles and hugs and I think the most positive people I ever met on this earth! Everyone spoke to each other with encouraging words and when someone was down and frustrated, everyone gathered around to uplift them and as I sat there witnessing all this, I was like oh my gosh this is like the complete 360 of where we just came from!! This excited me because we just need positivity in our lives right now, so we got even more excited and with our excitement, plus all the positivity, positive things started happening to us. My husband got a job the following week, plus he's still getting job offers. I'm getting job offers left and right and we are even getting money pretty much out of thin air that we didn't even expect to get. God is so good!! That's all I can say!

 It says in Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I truly believe that God is doing great works in our lives right now and I'm just blessed and excited to see where he leads us next! In the meantime, I want to leave you all with this last bible verse my beloved "Do not be anxious in anything, but in every situation prayer and petition, with thanksgiving give your request to God" Phillipians 4:6

Hurt people, hurt people

Hello my beloved, how are you all doing this September month? The season is finally changing and I'm so glad because I don't think I can take anymore of the heat! These past few weeks I've been really dehydrated and having dizzy spells which is why I haven't been on here that much lately. But I'm back now and that's the past, so lets move forward on today's topic of interest: why do people hurt people?

I don't know if it's the heat wave or what, but this whole summer or better yet, this whole past year, I've been pushed down, mowed over, stabbed in the back, crushed, mutilated and the worst one of all.....hurt. For awhile I reflected on myself and what I've done wrong to cause these certain individuals to attack me so hateful and spitefully? I prayed, I meditated, I asked the age old question of why? And after it all, I've come to the conclusion that it's not my fault, heck it might not even be their fault?

For my situation, I looked back long and hard to try to find where I could of done these individuals wrong, but the truth is, all I ever did was try to be there for them, love them, give them loving advice and support, but they took it as me "trying to control them, take over their lives, get involved in their business, when it's none of mine?!" To that, I reply, then why did you come to me with your problems if you didn't want my help? It's not like I was forcing them to conform or change...the fact of the matter is, as you know I am Christian and all I tried to do was give them Godly advice and spiritual guidance in a loving and encouraging way, but my mistake was that these individuals are NOT the spiritual type so any advice other than "do what you want," is considered " judgemental and critical" which makes me un Christian because supposedly I'm suppose to just accept them as they are. Well yes, that is true, I do accept you as you are, but I don't accept your sin. The problem with unbelievers is that they choose to pick and choose parts of the bible that rule in their favor, but the problem with that is, they don't read the entire context of the word before they start accusing and throwing judgements. Instead, they want to continue hurting and in return hurt you more, thinking that would make them feel better. 

For that, I'm sorry but you can try to break me, hurt me and say whatever you want, but I'm not going to compromise my faith or beliefs and conform to your worldly ideals just to make you feel better. As a Christian it is my job to love you with the love of The Lord and out of Love, help guide you on the right path for your life which God wills for you. It's not my doing or your doing or any one's doing BUT Gods, the only thing is he gives you the free will to choose wether or not to accept it. So for all those who have been hurt or make it a point to hurt, just know the only way you will ever find true happiness in your life is through Christ Jesus as your Lord and savior and I promise you that your life might not get any easier as a Christian, but it will be more fulfilled and joyful. It's like I said in the beginning, I've been trampled on, dragged across the mud, have personally gone through hell and back. Honestly, I'm going through a couple of trials and tribulations as I write to you now, but beloved despite it all I have peace in my heart knowing God Rules it and joy in my life knowing God is in control and will take care of me and for those of you who want to hurt me for standing steadfast for The Lord, while then I will not say anything to you accept, Matt 5:44 "do good to those who hate you and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." Just know my beloved, God knows our hearts and our pains and it says in 2 Corinthians 1:5 "for just as the suffering of Christ flows over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows"..........Until next time my beloved

Sometimes it hurts

Today is such a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is so clear and blue, and there is a nice ocean breeze that is softly coming through my window and wrapping it warmth around me. With this day being so beautiful, it's hard for me to understand why inside I want to just scream at the top of my lungs and pull my hair?! Nothing is wrong, it's been a pretty easy going day, I have just been home relaxing with my nephew and he's been asleep for the past three hours so i know it's not because of him? In fact he's been the total opposite, whenever I'm with him he just makes me laugh with his crazy ways.

It's when I'm sitting here quietly alone with my thoughts that I start feeling so.......I don't know, I can't explain it; is it my depression rearing its ugly head? Maybe it's because I'm 30 years old and my life is nowhere where I wanted it to be by now? Maybe it's because I can't do the things that I so deep in my heart want to do like finish school, start a family with my husband, have my husbands things worked out,  have financial freedom, etc, etc? I don't know?! the only thing that I do know, is that God withholds things from us for our own good and if my life isn't the way I planned, then God has a good reason for it.......that reminds me.....want to hear God laugh......tell him YOUR plans......until next time beloved