I'm so over it

Lately I feel like people are really hating on me??!!!! I really don't understand why though, I've done absolutely NOTHING, but be kind and generous, yet I'm still a stupid B**** according to one of my haters? I really don't get it, but I think I'm so much stronger from it. If this was a couple of years back, I probably would of fallen to pieces and asked WHY?!! WHY ME??!!!!! You know with tears and mocos running down my face and all, but I think after everything that this life has thrown at me, I just accept it now.

People are going to hate on you no matter what, all we can do in return is keep being ourselves, living our lives and ignoring all of their bulls***, because truth be told, if they have the gulls to talk about you, it's because we affected their lives, but that doesn't mean they need to be affecting ours, so go ahead haters and hate, all that you are doing is polishing me to be more beautiful and strong in the end...all the while you'll be getting older and uglier! HA....what a thought huh, yet it's true! Until next time......

Sometimes it hurts

Today is such a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is so clear and blue, and there is a nice ocean breeze that is softly coming through my window and wrapping it warmth around me. With this day being so beautiful, it's hard for me to understand why inside I want to just scream at the top of my lungs and pull my hair?! Nothing is wrong, it's been a pretty easy going day, I have just been home relaxing with my nephew and he's been asleep for the past three hours so i know it's not because of him? In fact he's been the total opposite, whenever I'm with him he just makes me laugh with his crazy ways.

It's when I'm sitting here quietly alone with my thoughts that I start feeling so.......I don't know, I can't explain it; is it my depression rearing its ugly head? Maybe it's because I'm 30 years old and my life is nowhere where I wanted it to be by now? Maybe it's because I can't do the things that I so deep in my heart want to do like finish school, start a family with my husband, have my husbands things worked out,  have financial freedom, etc, etc? I don't know?! the only thing that I do know, is that God withholds things from us for our own good and if my life isn't the way I planned, then God has a good reason for it.......that reminds me.....want to hear God laugh......tell him YOUR plans......until next time beloved

Easy Banana cupcake recipe

Hello all my friends around the world!! I was in my kitchen today and noticed my bananas were turning brown and instead of tossing them out ( cuz that's just wasteful)! I decided to do some good old fashion baking and made some yummy banana cupcakes! This recipe is really easy to do and the prep time takes no more than 10 minutes. Feel free to make this recipe your own by adding extra things like I did with the cinnamon ( I would of tossed in some ginger as well, but I couldn't find any in my cubbard) so here is how I did it...hope you enjoy:

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, (spooned and leveled)
• 3/4 cup sugar ( I used carnations brown sugar, but that's because I was out of regular sugar)
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
• 1 1/2 cups mashed bananas (about 4 ripe bananas)
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• A dash of ground cinnamon (optional)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a standard 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners. In a medium bowl, whisk together all of the ingredients until smooth batter like consistency (there might be chunks of banana in there, that's okay too, just as long as all ingredient are mixed together well).
2. Using an ice cream scooper, spoon batter into muffin cups.
3. Bake until a toothpick inserted in center of a cupcake comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes. Remove cupcakes from pan; cool completely on a wire rack. Once cooled, spread frosting of choice or enjoy as a muffin :)
   

Life's haha moments

Me all morning: where the heck is my cell phone?

When my 22 month old nephew wakes up from his nap...

Me: Nephew where did you put aunties phone?!!!

Nephew: puts his hands up like I don't know? Thinks about it and points under the couch and says " there!"

Me: looks under the couch but doesn't see anything??? No, Nephew it's not there you liar! So I start looking everywhere else....Nephew where's my phone help me find it?!!

Nephew: still persist its under the couch

Finally I get frustrated and use my iPad to call it and lo and behold, where did my phone end up being????....... Under the couch!!! Boy is my face red :p

I gotta see a man about a horse

Hello friends, how are you today?  I was blessed enough to get the day off from work and thought I should drop in and let you all know what the hell has been happening to me lately.  As you can see from my first sentence, I am still working; YAY! But yesterday, I felt like dropping everything and running for the hills!!!!

It was just a BAD day for me, which is why I think they gave me the day off?  I think they are trying to figure out if I'm going to still cut it or not?  The day before, I did alright; at least that's what I think? Yesterday though, it felt like it was my first day all over again.  I was already in a foul mood because the night before I had an "episode" and didn't really sleep well and then in the morning, I was loading up my truck with everything I was suppose to deliver for that day and I went up this little slope to get to my truck and BLAM!!  Everything fell over and scattered all over the parking lot!! So aside from being tired and achy from the previous day, I was freaking out over what just occurred! My supervisor was gracious with me and told me to relax and just start my route, but I still couldn't believe I did that?! Then I put the address in my GPS for the first delivery, but I put the wrong address and it led me somewhere else and I had to figure out how to get back on track. Once I started my deliveries, it got a little better, but I couldn't move as fast as before, because one, my body is still sore and two, I had to deliver extra things on top of the regular deliveries and that slowed me down a great deal more.  Then my scanner that I use to confirm that packages were delivered and track where I was, kept shutting down and I kept having to restart and wait for it to reload itself, which I felt took another eternity for me.  So on top of being tired, achy, weighed down and behind in my work, I was frustrated with all the little extra things that were happening to me, like the stupid wind that kept trying to blow everything out of my arms and finding where to deliver and it was in the 80's yesterday, which made it even MORE arduous for me!!  I just wanted the day to be over so bad!! Towards the middle, I felt like just abandoning ship, dropping everything and just telling them I QUIT!!  But instead, I sucked it up, called for back up and freaked out when my back up came and I realized how behind I actually was! When I got back to the office, I was comforted by my co-workers who informed me that EVERYONE has had one of those days and even shared their stories with me and were very understanding.  So I know I sucked yesterday, but that just means I could only get better right?  Truth be told, I don't know yet because they gave me the day off...teeheeehee...but tomorrow is still another day.........Until next time!

I'm just so sad

I feel like I'm stuck! Hello my beloved friends around the world, how have you been? As for me, I've been working. To be honest with you, I am truly grateful for my new job, but am quickly finding that I doubt I'm going to last very long at it? First off, it is VERY physically demanding and the wear and tear its doing to my body is agonizing! Secondly, it has to do with speed and accuracy and although I'm fine with that, the pressure of everything combined with the pressure of "am I going to make probation?" Is absolutely terrorizing! I find myself waking up feeling sick to my stomach, my hands clammy and in a cold sweat just thinking about the beating I'm going to get for the day. To make things worse, yesterday I was monitored by practically every person in upper management and today when I called for my clock in time, they told me NOT to come in today?

To be honest, I'm relieved to get the day off because EVERYTHING hurts and I had a nervous breakdown last night, so I kind of need a day to regain my composure. What cause the nervous breakdown you ask?

Lately, to relax, I've been playing this online game called Candy Crush; I don't know if you ever played it, but it's like a puzzle game, where you match different colors to get high scores or unlock things. So I've been playing it to take my mind off of things and last night I was playing a level where you had to bring down "ingredients," like cherries or nuts and get a certain score in the game to win, but the only thing is that you only have so many moves to do it in. I managed to get all but one ingredient down and get the high score, but I ran out of moves and lost the game. That's when I lost it! I know something so trivial can make it sound so pathetic of me, but that's the honest truth; I cried over a lost game. Well actually, it wasn't because I lost the game, but because I felt like that ONE game just about summed up my entire life. In fact, I even said, "story of my life," right before I broke down. I just feel like everything is at my fingertips and just when I get close enough to win, I get stuck and " run out of moves and lose." It's like no matter how hard I try, NOTHING ever turns out in my favor. I worked so hard in my last job and all it got me was pain and heartache, I spent the last year on a roller coaster ride feeling so inadequate and now that I have a job, I feel like it's slipping through my fingers because once again I feel inadequate. I just feel so sad!! I spent the majority of last night crying and I think I've cried more this past month than I have last year! I'm just so tired of feeling worthless and not good enough and like im never going to make it. Well that's it for now I guess, until next time......

Story of my life

Today I got into the car after work so that my husband and I could go to the store and my husband pointed out to me that a bird had apparently pooped on me and without even thinking, I responded with " yeah that sounds about right, just like life has already done!" He started laughing and I just looked at m for a second like, " what are you laughing at?"

That's how I've been feeling lately; I feel like I'm in a valley right now and no matter how hard I try to push up the hill to get to the top, something always seems to come at me, pushing me back down. As you know I recently got a new job...yay! The only thing is that I didn't realize how complex it is?! Scan this, scan that, enter this, sort this, bundle that, load, drive, you have two hours to finish this load, then back again and start over. My head is still spinning from all the new information I have to obtain.

I know I have only officially been there a week, but today all I wanted to do was cry! I went on my route to deliver and I couldn't find parking so I parked almost at the top of the hill and walked to the first house at the bottom and it wasn't until then that I remembered that I forgot what I was suppose to start delivering in my vehicle, so I had to run alllllll the way back to my vehicle, grab my delivery and run back to the starting point. By this point the day started getting warmer and I had two huge boxes to deliver and it was just my luck that it was the last apartment at the end of the block...sigh and let's just say that set the precedence for the rest of the day. Everyone at work is really nice and supportive and tell me that it will get easier and better and I guess I just need to cut myself some slack.

Aside from the excitement of my new job, I am also going through some other personal tngs that I'd rather not talk about out loud, but nevertheless, it is making me feel frustrated and like all my husband and I are being, is pushed around and put in limbo. Siiighhhh, I know that this is just a storm and all I need to do is get though it and wait for it to pass, but how many of these storms do I need to go through, until I start to see some sunshine?

I work six days a week and get to have Sunday off, but at this rate is it worth it? I mean don't get me wrong, I am VERY appreciative of this new job opportunity and for my employer taking the chance on me, but to live to work, instead of working to live? I've been there done that and was " married" to. Y last job, where I worked and let it consume me seven days a week and I did that for five years and what did I get in the end? Nothing except rejection, humiliated and deeply crushed. My new employer doesn't seem like the type that would do that to me and actually are making me feel comfortable, it i still have my 90 day probation and with the day I had, will I even make it that far? Until next time.......