I was driving in the car recently with my young nephew, who just turned 4 years old this past June and we had the sweetest conversation that I thought I should share. To set up the conversation, we just got in the car and started driving to our destination when my nephew started singing, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."
ME: Is that what you are going to sing when Christmas comes around?
My Nephew: Yes and I already know what I want for Christmas too!
ME: What do you want for Christmas? (secretly wanting to know since Christmas is rolling around and I wanted to know what to buy him)
My Nephew: All I want for Christmas is memories.
(I have to admit, I was shocked and touched. I thought, aww my nephew is so sweet and loving what more can an aunt ask for......)
ME: Awww, all you want is memories that's so nice.
My Nephew: Yeah, I want Alien memories.
ME: Wait, you want what?!
My Nephew: I want Alien memories. (Ok, this conversation got creepy real quick)!
ME: How do you get Alien memories?
My Nephew: Oh, you just ask Santa
ME: OK, that sounds pretty interesting. You make sure to tell Santa to bring you that then.
My Nephew: I also want socks. (Awww, there he goes again being so humble)...and new shoes and a bike and a scooter! (Oh wait that makes more sense for a 4 year old).
ME: You just got new shoes
My Nephew: Oh Just Kidding...What do you want for Christmas?
ME: All I want for Christmas are loving memories with my family, that is all I want.
My Nephew: Awwww that's so sweet. Why don't you ask Santa for a new bike too, like me, so that we can make memories together then?
HAHAHA, my dear sweet nephew, he always manages to put a smile on my face and hopefully, he was able to do the same to you, even if it was only for a brief moment....Until next time beloved!
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Entrepreneurship
There is something exhilarating about taking something that was nothing and watching it evolve into something great and expansive in such a short time frame. As you may or may not have read in my previous blogs, I am always thinking and trying new things when it comes to career choices. Some people might call me a dreamer, but I like to think of myself as an entrepenuer because just like all great business minded people, the key to a good business plan is knowing when to fold and if after 6 months to a year, you're not making a profit, then it may be a sign to close up shop.
Unfortunately, I lot of my bright ideas haven't worked out so well, but luckily I have a very zealous and ambitious husband who has the same mind frame as I do and we decided that we are stronger together than apart and have become business partners. One of our businesses which I think people of all ages would enjoy is selling custom collectibles which my husband creates and I market and sell. As always, we are an awesome team and with a lot of love and nuturing, our business is not only an up and rising star, but is also gaining a lot of momentum world wide, which is VERY exciting.
If you want to see what I'm talking about, you can check out our website at www.marmarstoys.com , we are also on ebay with the seller name mmt15. We are also on twitter, facebook and pintrest, see you guys there!
Unfortunately, I lot of my bright ideas haven't worked out so well, but luckily I have a very zealous and ambitious husband who has the same mind frame as I do and we decided that we are stronger together than apart and have become business partners. One of our businesses which I think people of all ages would enjoy is selling custom collectibles which my husband creates and I market and sell. As always, we are an awesome team and with a lot of love and nuturing, our business is not only an up and rising star, but is also gaining a lot of momentum world wide, which is VERY exciting.
If you want to see what I'm talking about, you can check out our website at www.marmarstoys.com , we are also on ebay with the seller name mmt15. We are also on twitter, facebook and pintrest, see you guys there!
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Lyrics and Ukulele Chords to Lava
Ok my beloved followers, every summer, I try to make it a point to learn something new and this past weekend, my sister showed me this short film by Disney Pixar titled "Lava." Which I fell instantly in love with and said this is my husband and my love story LOL...OK I was thinking of video taping myself so you can see how well I learned it, but I'm still debating, so leave me a comment if you want to see that happen? Otherwise here are the chords, lyrics and just so you can fall madly in love with it like I did, I also attached a version of the video for you to watch. Ok, enough talking, let's get Ukuleling!!!!
Intro: C G7 F C G7 C
Verse:
C G7
A long long time ago, there was a volcano.
F C G7
Living all alone, in the middle of the sea.
C G7
He sat high above his bay, watching all the couples play,
F C G7
and wishing that, he had someone too.
C G7 F
And from his lava came, this song of hope that he sang
out-loud every day,
C G7
for years and years.
Chorus:
F C
I have a dream, I hope will come true,
G7 C
that you're here with me and I’m here with you
F C
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above
F G7 C
will send me someone to la-va
Verse:
C G7
Here is to singing all alone and turning his lava into stone
F C G7
until he was on the brink of exiting sun.
C G7
But little did he know that living in the sea below
F C G7
another volcano was listening to his song.
Verse:
C G7
Every day she heard his tune, her lava grew and grew
F C G7
because she believed his song was for her.
C G7
Now she was so ready to meet him above the sea
F C G7
as he sang his song of hope for the last time.
Chorus:
F C
I have a dream, I hope will come true,
G7 C
that you're here with me and I’m here with you
F C
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above
F G7 C
will send me someone to la-va
Verse:
C G7
Rising from the sea below stood a lovely volcano
F C G7
looking all around but she could not see him.
C G7
He tried to sing to let her know that she was not alone,
F G7 C
but with no lava his song was so gone.
Verse:
C G7
He filled the sea with his tears watching his dreams
disappear
F C G7
as she remembered what his song meant to her.
Chorus:
F C
I have a dream, I hope will come true,
G7 C
that you're here with me and I’m here with you
F C
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above
F G7 C
will send me someone to la-va
Verse:
C G7
Oh they were so happy to finally meet above the sea
F G7 C
All together now their lava grew and grew.
C G7
No longer were they all alone with Aloha as their new home
F C G7
and when you go and visit them, this is what they sing
Chorus:
F C
I have a dream, I hope will come true,
G7 C
that you'll grow old with me and I’ll grow old with you
F
C
We thank the earth, sea, and sky we thank too
F G7 C
I Lava
You repeat 3X
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Remnants of the Past
Hello all my wonderful beloved friends in the world! I finally came back on and was reading all my old blogs and can't believe it has been almost a whole year since I've chatted with you! Shame on me (hits my own hand) I know I should be talking to you on a daily basis, but what can I say, if you know me in person, you know that I am not very good at keeping in touch heeheehee.
To be honest, it isn't my fault, so many things have happened to me this past year that again, I really don't even know where to begin? Hmmmmmm, where do you guys want me to begin? Well to start off, I'm still here and alive! Yay! I have been dealing with a lot of health issues, but the funny thing is that after everything, it turns out I just have a vitamin deficiency..go fig...I just needed to go out and get some sun....guess I can't be a hermit anymore (frowny face). So now after seeing a lot of specialist and getting what feels like a million lab test, I am finally on the right track of getting healthy!
As far as the rest of my life, I am on the right track and feel so blessed to be on the path that I currently am on. For once in my life, the possibilities of my future are endless and I am happy to report that the only stress that I am currently experiencing is in deciding which road to choose? Should I become the Children's Ministry Director at my church? Should I become the CEO of an up and rising company or should I teach at a Montessori school and work towards opening or running my own school? Decisions, decisions, decisions...what do you guys think? All I know is that whatever path I am on, it will for sure be working with children...At what capacity.....I guess we will have to wait and see?
I still have moments where I get pretty low still, but lately they are few and between and in my pursuit of happiness I have come to the realization that in life and in order to be happy and I mean TRULY HAPPY, you need all of it. By IT, I mean the sadness, the fear, the anger, the joy...I know it sounds like I'm naming all the characters of the Inside Out Movie, but I swear it's true! You ever hear the saying...you can't have the sweet without the sour, or you need the ying and the yang? In life, you need to experience the anger, the fear and the sadness in order to know what pure utter joy is! In my life, I have experienced so much sadness, fear, anger, hurt, pain. But through all of that, I learned how to be happy, brave, courageous and above all else, how to truly and whole heartedly LOVE!
Life is going to throw us so many curve balls, but God doesn't put us in those situations for us to ask Him to change it....God puts us in those situations to change US. After reading all the blogs I have written over the years, I can honestly say that I have truly seen God work in my life and has changed me in such a way that I didn't even think was possible?
Something out of the blue happened to me today or should I say someone from the past who hurt me happened to me today. To be honest I was waiting for this day and for all the things that I would say and do to them. I had some pretty good comebacks and remarks waiting for them too...I was even considering a couple of Judo Chops in the process if I ever saw them in person. But now that all these years have passed us by and I have grown not only spiritually, but also in wisdom, I had nothing but forgiveness, becuase if I didn't meet this person, I would have never of been put on this path that I am on and even though it has been a long ardous one, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know this is going to be soooo nerdy of me, but I can't help it, I figure this would be a good place to put some awesome qoutes...Until next time beloved:
“The universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.”
— The Doctor, Season 5, Episode 12
“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.”
— Elton Pope, Season 2, Episode 10.
“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
“We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
— The Doctor, Season 5, Episode 13
**yes, they are all Doctor Who qoutes, because Doctor Who always knows exactly what to say! But nothing says it better than GOD:
"For I know the plans I have for your." declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
To be honest, it isn't my fault, so many things have happened to me this past year that again, I really don't even know where to begin? Hmmmmmm, where do you guys want me to begin? Well to start off, I'm still here and alive! Yay! I have been dealing with a lot of health issues, but the funny thing is that after everything, it turns out I just have a vitamin deficiency..go fig...I just needed to go out and get some sun....guess I can't be a hermit anymore (frowny face). So now after seeing a lot of specialist and getting what feels like a million lab test, I am finally on the right track of getting healthy!
As far as the rest of my life, I am on the right track and feel so blessed to be on the path that I currently am on. For once in my life, the possibilities of my future are endless and I am happy to report that the only stress that I am currently experiencing is in deciding which road to choose? Should I become the Children's Ministry Director at my church? Should I become the CEO of an up and rising company or should I teach at a Montessori school and work towards opening or running my own school? Decisions, decisions, decisions...what do you guys think? All I know is that whatever path I am on, it will for sure be working with children...At what capacity.....I guess we will have to wait and see?
I still have moments where I get pretty low still, but lately they are few and between and in my pursuit of happiness I have come to the realization that in life and in order to be happy and I mean TRULY HAPPY, you need all of it. By IT, I mean the sadness, the fear, the anger, the joy...I know it sounds like I'm naming all the characters of the Inside Out Movie, but I swear it's true! You ever hear the saying...you can't have the sweet without the sour, or you need the ying and the yang? In life, you need to experience the anger, the fear and the sadness in order to know what pure utter joy is! In my life, I have experienced so much sadness, fear, anger, hurt, pain. But through all of that, I learned how to be happy, brave, courageous and above all else, how to truly and whole heartedly LOVE!
Life is going to throw us so many curve balls, but God doesn't put us in those situations for us to ask Him to change it....God puts us in those situations to change US. After reading all the blogs I have written over the years, I can honestly say that I have truly seen God work in my life and has changed me in such a way that I didn't even think was possible?
Something out of the blue happened to me today or should I say someone from the past who hurt me happened to me today. To be honest I was waiting for this day and for all the things that I would say and do to them. I had some pretty good comebacks and remarks waiting for them too...I was even considering a couple of Judo Chops in the process if I ever saw them in person. But now that all these years have passed us by and I have grown not only spiritually, but also in wisdom, I had nothing but forgiveness, becuase if I didn't meet this person, I would have never of been put on this path that I am on and even though it has been a long ardous one, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know this is going to be soooo nerdy of me, but I can't help it, I figure this would be a good place to put some awesome qoutes...Until next time beloved:
“The universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.”
— The Doctor, Season 5, Episode 12
“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.”
— Elton Pope, Season 2, Episode 10.
“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
“We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
— The Doctor, Season 5, Episode 13
**yes, they are all Doctor Who qoutes, because Doctor Who always knows exactly what to say! But nothing says it better than GOD:
"For I know the plans I have for your." declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Falling in Love
We were at church recently and as I mentioned in previous blogs, I haven't been that well. In fact, due to some sudden health scares and complications, it made me do an instant halt and re-evaluate what's really important; my health or everyone and everything else? So for now, I chose getting healthy and it caused me to step down and take a step back from volunteering, especially at church. Which might I add was a very hard thing for me to do, because I was so dedicated and immersed in my ministry work; I was even going to the Praise School of Ministry to become a better ministry leader so when I all of a sudden couldn't do it, I just needed to accept that sometimes, stepping back and letting go is the best thing to do.
But anyway, getting back to why I originally started blogging this, my husband and I were at church when the Pastors wife came up to us and asked how I was doing? I told her I was much better than I was the week prior and that I appreciated the support and prayers of our church family members as they really renewed my spirit. Then she gave me some encouraging words and turned to my husband and told him that he needs to be a leader in the household and make sure to always lead his wife to the Lord. My husband and I looked at each other and smiled and my husband graciously told her, yes I will, but in my head, I was saying to myself, He already does that?
The thing about my husband is that he is not the type of person that so freely expresses himself that the whole world can look at him and instantly know what kind of man he is. In all actuality, there are many layers to my husband, layers that I don't think anyone has ever really even seen or known about except for myself, him and God? So I was thinking about what the Pastor's wife said and was just wondering why she would say that? Was it a subliminal message saying that because I stopped volunteering that I am veering away from my faith? Was it just words of encouragement or was it just so that she could say something inspirational to my husband? So here I was being the thinker that I am...always thinking, thinking, thinking.....just like Winnie the Pooh, just without all the honey! LOL..that reminds me, if you ever want to know what my husband and I are like and look like....we pretty much look and act like Winnie the Pooh and piglet!...ok...getting back to what I was saying.
So here I was thinking when I had an epiphany! When people first meet my husband, they don't really like him! It's funny, but it's true! My husband is very stand offish and doesn't really socialize, in fact if it was up to him, he would be in and out without hesitation and back in the safety of his beloved house where his best friends the television, ipad and computer are. Naturally, this is not really a good trait to have, especially at church where everyone is so warm and welcoming so no one really knows or talks to my husband at church, accept for a select few who actually get him. Aside from being an introvert, he is very straight forward, my husband hates dilly dallying and beating around the bush, when he needs something he will say it, when he wants something he will say it and when he has an opinion he isn't afraid to tell you regardless of what your status is, so again..reasons people don't like my husband.
But like I said in the beginning, there are layers to this magnificent man, layers that no one ever gets to see, which is why I am blogging and gushing about him so everyone can get at least a glimpse of what I see in him everyday!
I always tease my husband and say he suffers from "White Knight Syndrome." One layer of my husband is that he is chivalrous..yes that's right ladies, Chivalry still exist and I was one of the blessed ones to get him! I have countless stories I can tell you of where my husband courageously put himself aside and helped someone in need, regardless of how big or small or even dangerous, he always tries to help in every way that he can, which is why I love him so much! I think I mentioned some of the other stories in other blogs, if not, I should start, because he really deserves some credit, but that's another layer about him.
My husband hates the lime light, he says that when he does something, it isn't to get the credit or the glory, he does it because he WANTS to do it and he does it to serve the Lord and that isn't anything special to need recognition or anything. Again at church, people would come up to me and make comments about how they never saw my husband in the Sunday service and he was always missing, but what they don't know, even now is that as soon as he gets to church, someone is always calling on him for assistance because he knows about networking and programming so he volunteers and helps set up the background and fix things. He is also a Sunday School teacher and all those weeks he wasn't in the service, it was because he was helping me by teaching Sunday School classes that I wasn't able to find volunteers for. But no one ever knows that about him, because they don't really talk to him.
Another thing about my husband is that when he loves, he does it whole heartedly! When he met me, I was already damaged goods. My heart was in pieces, I didn't know who I was or where I was going, but yet he still loved me and since I'm spilling all our secrets, when I get depressed, it is a very dark time in our household. At one point when my depression was really bad, I became catatonic to the point where I just couldn't function and my husband had to dress me, feed me and put me to bed because I would just cry and cry and cry and when I wasn't crying I was just numb. Also, when I was rushed to the E.R. my husband never left my side, despite having scoliosis and a weak back, he sat next to me on a stool without any complaint for 14 hours straight because he wanted to be near me, incase anything happened. Aside from all of this, whenever I do start going into a dark place, my husband is the ONLY one who could ever bring me back to the light.
So why am I telling you all of this, because I love him, not just for what he is or who he is, but because he first loved me and by him just loving me, he reminds me of God's love for me and how he blessed me with such a precious gift and in turn, I fall even more deeply in love with the Lord each and everyday that he blesses me with a husband who shows me kindness, patience, benevolence and above all else LOVE...isn't that what the Lord wants for us after all? So for all you out there that sees someone in church that really isn't that approachable, maybe next time you can get to know them a little more, you never know, they just might show you how to fall in love with the Lord!....until next time
But anyway, getting back to why I originally started blogging this, my husband and I were at church when the Pastors wife came up to us and asked how I was doing? I told her I was much better than I was the week prior and that I appreciated the support and prayers of our church family members as they really renewed my spirit. Then she gave me some encouraging words and turned to my husband and told him that he needs to be a leader in the household and make sure to always lead his wife to the Lord. My husband and I looked at each other and smiled and my husband graciously told her, yes I will, but in my head, I was saying to myself, He already does that?
The thing about my husband is that he is not the type of person that so freely expresses himself that the whole world can look at him and instantly know what kind of man he is. In all actuality, there are many layers to my husband, layers that I don't think anyone has ever really even seen or known about except for myself, him and God? So I was thinking about what the Pastor's wife said and was just wondering why she would say that? Was it a subliminal message saying that because I stopped volunteering that I am veering away from my faith? Was it just words of encouragement or was it just so that she could say something inspirational to my husband? So here I was being the thinker that I am...always thinking, thinking, thinking.....just like Winnie the Pooh, just without all the honey! LOL..that reminds me, if you ever want to know what my husband and I are like and look like....we pretty much look and act like Winnie the Pooh and piglet!...ok...getting back to what I was saying.
So here I was thinking when I had an epiphany! When people first meet my husband, they don't really like him! It's funny, but it's true! My husband is very stand offish and doesn't really socialize, in fact if it was up to him, he would be in and out without hesitation and back in the safety of his beloved house where his best friends the television, ipad and computer are. Naturally, this is not really a good trait to have, especially at church where everyone is so warm and welcoming so no one really knows or talks to my husband at church, accept for a select few who actually get him. Aside from being an introvert, he is very straight forward, my husband hates dilly dallying and beating around the bush, when he needs something he will say it, when he wants something he will say it and when he has an opinion he isn't afraid to tell you regardless of what your status is, so again..reasons people don't like my husband.
But like I said in the beginning, there are layers to this magnificent man, layers that no one ever gets to see, which is why I am blogging and gushing about him so everyone can get at least a glimpse of what I see in him everyday!
I always tease my husband and say he suffers from "White Knight Syndrome." One layer of my husband is that he is chivalrous..yes that's right ladies, Chivalry still exist and I was one of the blessed ones to get him! I have countless stories I can tell you of where my husband courageously put himself aside and helped someone in need, regardless of how big or small or even dangerous, he always tries to help in every way that he can, which is why I love him so much! I think I mentioned some of the other stories in other blogs, if not, I should start, because he really deserves some credit, but that's another layer about him.
My husband hates the lime light, he says that when he does something, it isn't to get the credit or the glory, he does it because he WANTS to do it and he does it to serve the Lord and that isn't anything special to need recognition or anything. Again at church, people would come up to me and make comments about how they never saw my husband in the Sunday service and he was always missing, but what they don't know, even now is that as soon as he gets to church, someone is always calling on him for assistance because he knows about networking and programming so he volunteers and helps set up the background and fix things. He is also a Sunday School teacher and all those weeks he wasn't in the service, it was because he was helping me by teaching Sunday School classes that I wasn't able to find volunteers for. But no one ever knows that about him, because they don't really talk to him.
Another thing about my husband is that when he loves, he does it whole heartedly! When he met me, I was already damaged goods. My heart was in pieces, I didn't know who I was or where I was going, but yet he still loved me and since I'm spilling all our secrets, when I get depressed, it is a very dark time in our household. At one point when my depression was really bad, I became catatonic to the point where I just couldn't function and my husband had to dress me, feed me and put me to bed because I would just cry and cry and cry and when I wasn't crying I was just numb. Also, when I was rushed to the E.R. my husband never left my side, despite having scoliosis and a weak back, he sat next to me on a stool without any complaint for 14 hours straight because he wanted to be near me, incase anything happened. Aside from all of this, whenever I do start going into a dark place, my husband is the ONLY one who could ever bring me back to the light.
So why am I telling you all of this, because I love him, not just for what he is or who he is, but because he first loved me and by him just loving me, he reminds me of God's love for me and how he blessed me with such a precious gift and in turn, I fall even more deeply in love with the Lord each and everyday that he blesses me with a husband who shows me kindness, patience, benevolence and above all else LOVE...isn't that what the Lord wants for us after all? So for all you out there that sees someone in church that really isn't that approachable, maybe next time you can get to know them a little more, you never know, they just might show you how to fall in love with the Lord!....until next time
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
BACKYARD APPAREL
I know lately my blogs have been pretty dark, what can I say? If you have been following me from the beginning, I'm sure you can understand, if not..I don't what else to tell you except for "That's Baseball!"
But that's not the reason why I am am blogging to you right now, I am actually here to finally bring you some good news! So as you all know my husband and I are going through some financial hardships with trying to find jobs and such, so we decided to take it among ourselves and create our own employment and have opened up online stores that you can start shopping at now! So if you LOVE fashion as much as I do, you can check us out at www.backyardapparel.net .
Right now I am actually selling retail clothes, but my hopes are to soon have my own designs up for you to purchase. I currently have made a lot of bags, scarves and hair bows, I just need to actually put them on the site under limited editions. In the meantime, we have a lot of cute outfits to choose from and they are the perfect thing to wear for any occasion!
But that's not the reason why I am am blogging to you right now, I am actually here to finally bring you some good news! So as you all know my husband and I are going through some financial hardships with trying to find jobs and such, so we decided to take it among ourselves and create our own employment and have opened up online stores that you can start shopping at now! So if you LOVE fashion as much as I do, you can check us out at www.backyardapparel.net .
Right now I am actually selling retail clothes, but my hopes are to soon have my own designs up for you to purchase. I currently have made a lot of bags, scarves and hair bows, I just need to actually put them on the site under limited editions. In the meantime, we have a lot of cute outfits to choose from and they are the perfect thing to wear for any occasion!
Was This a Chemical Pregnancy?
Did I ever tell you about the time I was almost a mother? Of course I've been like a second mom to my nieces and nephews and my Sunday School Children will agree that they are my children and so will my God children. But I mean me, myself and I actually being a mother, carrying her own child in her womb, laboring to bring it into the world and vowing to love and adore it for the rest of its life; Yeah that was almost me!
It was actually back in the Summer of 2014 that this happened to me, but I guess that's part of why I haven't been blogging in awhile, my heart just wasn't in it.
I actually started feeling symptoms I believe it was in May, you know the sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, my gums were swollen and ached and I had to literally pee every five minutes, but I wasn't sure so I didn't do anything, but then 46, almost 50 days past since my last period and I said to myself that wasn't normal? I've felt all these symptoms before, but I've never gone this long without a period? So I made an appointment to see the Doctor and they ran a test to see if I was pregnant? Once they did the test and I saw the Doctor, he told me I wasn't pregnant and it was probably due to stress as the reason why I haven't had my period, although I told him I really haven't been that stressed out compared to before? I shrugged it off though, because I knew it was a pipe dream that I would ever get pregnant since my husband and I have been married for over a decade and nothing happened. So I went home a little sad, but I moved on, focusing on other things that I was doing at the time, when in the middle of the day the Doctors Office called me and left a message for me to call them back.
I called and when the nurse that called me got on the line she said, "I'm just calling to let you know you ARE pregnant and the test did come back positive." She didn't even have to finish her sentence after "pregnant," I just burst into tears because I couldn't believe it?! FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!! My heart was bursting and I couldn't even speak and through the tears, I composed myself enough to ask, "are you sure? The Doctor told me that I wasn't?" The Nurse paused for a second, but told me, "well the test is very faint, that's why it took so long to call you, it actually took awhile before the sign came up, I was actually getting ready to throw it away before I looked at it again, but I'm going to send you for blood work to be absolutely sure, the Doctor didn't order it, but I'll send your paper work over now so you can go, but it is positive." I thanked her and told her that my husband and I had been praying and trying for 12 years and I was on cloud 9 with this news!! I should have listened more closely to the signs in our conversation, but I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I refused to listen to things like "Doctor didn't order blood work," or "very faint sign" or anything like that, because I was hoping that in some small miracle, life was actually going to be positive for me for once. I even called my husband and told him while crying about the news! He was skeptical and said he will wait until there is an actual baby in his arms before he celebrates, but humored me with the thought of me possibly being pregnant.
So I went and got the blood work done and they told me I wouldn't get the results until next week, because I took it on a Friday, so I waited and for a whole week and I still didn't get my period and I looked at all the signs and kept telling my husband that "I HAVE TO BE PREGNANT...ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE!!" Even the date of conception made sense for me to be pregnant and the symptoms were aligned with everything I was reading for how far along you are, which was a couple of weeks. But then at the end of the week, I woke up to severe abdominal pains and bleeding. My heart sank, but I went online and read that it might be due to implanting since I was supposedly a couple of weeks that's usually what happens an the egg is setting up shop in the uterus. I kept hoping everything was ok and I prayed and just laid in bed not moving an inch, afraid of losing what little hope I had inside of me. I called the Doctors Office again to see about the test and the same nurse who told me I was pregnant ended up taking back everything she said a week prior. She told me, "oh yeah sorry, you weren't actually pregnant, I spoke to the Doctor and he said you had to be a 5 or above to be pregnant and you were at a 2 so you should be getting your period soon, did you experience any bleeding?" I told her yes, I just started yesterday, but it's not like my normal period and I wish you would have told me all this a week ago, before I took the blood test and everything?!" She apologized and I said whatever there's nothing we could do about it now and we hung up. Once again, my heart broke into a billion pieces and the world I knew, started caving in on me. My husband tried to console me and told me I shouldn't of gotten my hopes up to begin with and that nurse was a freakin idiot, but it's okay we will keep trying. I told him I was alright and I sucked it up and told him he was right, I mean after this long for it to just happen, just like that is pretty much impossible. So I just acted like everything was fine and moved on, but the truth is that nurse literally ripped my heart out.
How could she just allow me to go a WHOLE WEEK thinking I was pregnant? It just kept running through my mind over and over and over and I just kept asking myself, "how can this supposed medical professional, go through all the trouble of calling me and telling me I was pregnant if I wasn't?!" Then finally after months passed by, I was sitting in church and it just clicked in my head again, "Why would she tell me I was pregnant, If I wasn't?" So I jumped on the internet on my phone and looked up "what does HCG 2 mean?" Then I started coming across these posting and websites about "Chemical Pregnancies," and thought to myself "maybe I WAS pregnant and instead of saying I had a miscarriage, it was easier for her to just say I was never pregnant?"
A Chemical Pregnancy for those that don't know is a pregnancy that ends very early in the first trimester. When women first become pregnant their hormones start to double which is how pregnancy test get their reading, which is through HCG (hormones). However if it is a Chemical Pregnancy, the HCG levels drop rapidly, which signifies the end of the pregnancy. They say that a chemical pregnancy occurs when the fetus dies immediately after conception due to chromosome issues which doesn't allow the embryo to implant in the uterus where it can grow and develop.
I have to be honest, my heart is still aching and as soon as I read this, my heart broke all over again as I explained it to my husband and told him, it wasn't really a pregnancy, that it was over before it even began. But my husband, being the type of man that he is, looked me right in the eyes and told me to stop thinking like that! He told me, "as soon as that egg was fertilized, you became a mother and carried our baby inside of you and don't let anyone try to take that away from you and tell you it didn't happen!" So maybe I was pregnant and maybe I wasn't, either way I give God the glory that for at least a moment in time I could say that I was a mother......until next time my beloved
It was actually back in the Summer of 2014 that this happened to me, but I guess that's part of why I haven't been blogging in awhile, my heart just wasn't in it.
I actually started feeling symptoms I believe it was in May, you know the sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, my gums were swollen and ached and I had to literally pee every five minutes, but I wasn't sure so I didn't do anything, but then 46, almost 50 days past since my last period and I said to myself that wasn't normal? I've felt all these symptoms before, but I've never gone this long without a period? So I made an appointment to see the Doctor and they ran a test to see if I was pregnant? Once they did the test and I saw the Doctor, he told me I wasn't pregnant and it was probably due to stress as the reason why I haven't had my period, although I told him I really haven't been that stressed out compared to before? I shrugged it off though, because I knew it was a pipe dream that I would ever get pregnant since my husband and I have been married for over a decade and nothing happened. So I went home a little sad, but I moved on, focusing on other things that I was doing at the time, when in the middle of the day the Doctors Office called me and left a message for me to call them back.
I called and when the nurse that called me got on the line she said, "I'm just calling to let you know you ARE pregnant and the test did come back positive." She didn't even have to finish her sentence after "pregnant," I just burst into tears because I couldn't believe it?! FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!! My heart was bursting and I couldn't even speak and through the tears, I composed myself enough to ask, "are you sure? The Doctor told me that I wasn't?" The Nurse paused for a second, but told me, "well the test is very faint, that's why it took so long to call you, it actually took awhile before the sign came up, I was actually getting ready to throw it away before I looked at it again, but I'm going to send you for blood work to be absolutely sure, the Doctor didn't order it, but I'll send your paper work over now so you can go, but it is positive." I thanked her and told her that my husband and I had been praying and trying for 12 years and I was on cloud 9 with this news!! I should have listened more closely to the signs in our conversation, but I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I refused to listen to things like "Doctor didn't order blood work," or "very faint sign" or anything like that, because I was hoping that in some small miracle, life was actually going to be positive for me for once. I even called my husband and told him while crying about the news! He was skeptical and said he will wait until there is an actual baby in his arms before he celebrates, but humored me with the thought of me possibly being pregnant.
So I went and got the blood work done and they told me I wouldn't get the results until next week, because I took it on a Friday, so I waited and for a whole week and I still didn't get my period and I looked at all the signs and kept telling my husband that "I HAVE TO BE PREGNANT...ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE!!" Even the date of conception made sense for me to be pregnant and the symptoms were aligned with everything I was reading for how far along you are, which was a couple of weeks. But then at the end of the week, I woke up to severe abdominal pains and bleeding. My heart sank, but I went online and read that it might be due to implanting since I was supposedly a couple of weeks that's usually what happens an the egg is setting up shop in the uterus. I kept hoping everything was ok and I prayed and just laid in bed not moving an inch, afraid of losing what little hope I had inside of me. I called the Doctors Office again to see about the test and the same nurse who told me I was pregnant ended up taking back everything she said a week prior. She told me, "oh yeah sorry, you weren't actually pregnant, I spoke to the Doctor and he said you had to be a 5 or above to be pregnant and you were at a 2 so you should be getting your period soon, did you experience any bleeding?" I told her yes, I just started yesterday, but it's not like my normal period and I wish you would have told me all this a week ago, before I took the blood test and everything?!" She apologized and I said whatever there's nothing we could do about it now and we hung up. Once again, my heart broke into a billion pieces and the world I knew, started caving in on me. My husband tried to console me and told me I shouldn't of gotten my hopes up to begin with and that nurse was a freakin idiot, but it's okay we will keep trying. I told him I was alright and I sucked it up and told him he was right, I mean after this long for it to just happen, just like that is pretty much impossible. So I just acted like everything was fine and moved on, but the truth is that nurse literally ripped my heart out.
How could she just allow me to go a WHOLE WEEK thinking I was pregnant? It just kept running through my mind over and over and over and I just kept asking myself, "how can this supposed medical professional, go through all the trouble of calling me and telling me I was pregnant if I wasn't?!" Then finally after months passed by, I was sitting in church and it just clicked in my head again, "Why would she tell me I was pregnant, If I wasn't?" So I jumped on the internet on my phone and looked up "what does HCG 2 mean?" Then I started coming across these posting and websites about "Chemical Pregnancies," and thought to myself "maybe I WAS pregnant and instead of saying I had a miscarriage, it was easier for her to just say I was never pregnant?"
A Chemical Pregnancy for those that don't know is a pregnancy that ends very early in the first trimester. When women first become pregnant their hormones start to double which is how pregnancy test get their reading, which is through HCG (hormones). However if it is a Chemical Pregnancy, the HCG levels drop rapidly, which signifies the end of the pregnancy. They say that a chemical pregnancy occurs when the fetus dies immediately after conception due to chromosome issues which doesn't allow the embryo to implant in the uterus where it can grow and develop.
I have to be honest, my heart is still aching and as soon as I read this, my heart broke all over again as I explained it to my husband and told him, it wasn't really a pregnancy, that it was over before it even began. But my husband, being the type of man that he is, looked me right in the eyes and told me to stop thinking like that! He told me, "as soon as that egg was fertilized, you became a mother and carried our baby inside of you and don't let anyone try to take that away from you and tell you it didn't happen!" So maybe I was pregnant and maybe I wasn't, either way I give God the glory that for at least a moment in time I could say that I was a mother......until next time my beloved
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