Today is a bitter sweet day. A year ago today, I brought home my beautiful son, and on this day, 69 years ago, my father was born. My father was a great man. A man of many stories, laughs and talents. For those that were lucky enough to know him well, they would tell you stories about my dad; stories that were always filled with adventure, danger and lots of laughs at the end. My dad for the better sense of the word was a scoundrel, a street rat, he ruled his barrio in the Philippines, circa 1950's to 60's, and if you needed someone to stick up and fight for you, that was my dad; always prepared to have his friends back in times of need. No matter what..Even if that friend was sick and dying, he literally took off his most expensive jewelry, told the family to sell it and use the money to pay for whatever medical expenses his friend needed. My dad would never leave someone out in the rain, even if it was a stranger. He said it was because he knew what it was like to be hungry, cold and uncertain about tomorrow.
He came to America in 1974, with only $5 in his pocket, the information his contacts gave him was false, so when he got here, he was lost, confused and hungry with no place to go. Luckily for him, he had God on his side that touched the hearts of a couple that lived in L.A and when he told them his story, they took him home and helped him get started on his new life in America.
Now, aside from having many talents, my dad of course was a very good looking man and from a young age, he found he had a talent for charming women. He got a job at Pic N Save and would tell us the stories about all the women that would have crushes on him, but none of the stories mattered as much as the story of when he met and fell in love with my mother. She was barely entering her twenties as he was starting to exit his, but as soon as she saw him, she knew she found the one the Lord made just for her. She just got hired at Pic N Save as well and my dad said she was too skinny at the time for his taste. But that didn't stop my mom from pursuing and charming him and in a few short years they were married and starting our family. Together they raised 9 beautiful children and though raising such a large family had its toll here and there, there was never a doubt of how much love there was for one another. My dad worked hard to provide for his family, always making sure we had enough to survive. When times got really tough, he would turn to his many talents of selling woodcrafts, tailoring clothes, catering his delicious Filipino cooking. Yes, there were hard times, but even in those hard times, we still had each other and that was something my dad always made sure of.
He was so proud of each of his kids as they grew up and started their own lives. He loved his grandchildren to the moon and back and would light up everytime one of them would visit him. Christmas time was my dad's favorite holiday..He said each of our families had the whole year, but Christmas was his holiday. He would stay up all night and early morning cooking all of his kids favorite dishes of sweet rice, Calderata, Adobo, lumpia...you name it, he cooked it and would take extra delight seeing each of his kids enjoying his cooking. This past Christmas he was so weak and sick, but he still stood up all night cooking, just so he could see his kids faces.
He was a strong man, but also a stubborn man, he refused to allow sickness to get the better of him. Even when his kidneys were failing and he was so weak, he would say what can a doctor do that I can't? I can take care of myself!
Of course he would go to the doctor, but towards the end, we think he knew his time was running out and though he didn't tell us, we think he just wanted to live the remainder of his days surrounded by the people he loved and those that loved him most. On January 26, 2018, at 3:58 in the morning, the world briefly stopped turning, the sky became darker and our family changed forever.
Though we are temporarily sad, our hearts are rejoicing knowing we will get to see him again. Knowing he is no longer sick or in pain. Knowing, he is with our Father in heaven who loves him more than we ever could on earth.
His viewing was a celebration more than a mourning. People were not only comforted, but encouraged and given hope through his life and legacy. His viewing and funeral had over 200 attendees and there was such an outpouring of love that the funeral home came to my mother afterwards and said they never experienced anything like it and were so amazed by our family. I know my dad would be smiling at such a party!
But getting to why this is such a bitter sweet day. Today is my father's birthday. Though it's been emotionally tough getting through the last couple of months, today is especially tough, because he is not here to celebrate it. When I get up, I won' be able to go to his house and wish him a happy birthday. I won' be able to bake his favorite pineapple upside down cake that I promised I would make for him or see his smiling face as we sing happy birthday to him. I won' be able to hear his laugh as he tells us one of his silly jokes or stories, or watch him be so proud and play with my son. These are the things I have to accept for today. But one thing I won't accept is forgetting my dad and that he lived. So to honor him on his special day today, I am sharing him with the world. Happy Birthday Rustico Yparraguirre, for as long as I live, my daddy you'll be.
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Saturday, April 21, 2018
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Was This a Chemical Pregnancy?
Did I ever tell you about the time I was almost a mother? Of course I've been like a second mom to my nieces and nephews and my Sunday School Children will agree that they are my children and so will my God children. But I mean me, myself and I actually being a mother, carrying her own child in her womb, laboring to bring it into the world and vowing to love and adore it for the rest of its life; Yeah that was almost me!
It was actually back in the Summer of 2014 that this happened to me, but I guess that's part of why I haven't been blogging in awhile, my heart just wasn't in it.
I actually started feeling symptoms I believe it was in May, you know the sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, my gums were swollen and ached and I had to literally pee every five minutes, but I wasn't sure so I didn't do anything, but then 46, almost 50 days past since my last period and I said to myself that wasn't normal? I've felt all these symptoms before, but I've never gone this long without a period? So I made an appointment to see the Doctor and they ran a test to see if I was pregnant? Once they did the test and I saw the Doctor, he told me I wasn't pregnant and it was probably due to stress as the reason why I haven't had my period, although I told him I really haven't been that stressed out compared to before? I shrugged it off though, because I knew it was a pipe dream that I would ever get pregnant since my husband and I have been married for over a decade and nothing happened. So I went home a little sad, but I moved on, focusing on other things that I was doing at the time, when in the middle of the day the Doctors Office called me and left a message for me to call them back.
I called and when the nurse that called me got on the line she said, "I'm just calling to let you know you ARE pregnant and the test did come back positive." She didn't even have to finish her sentence after "pregnant," I just burst into tears because I couldn't believe it?! FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!! My heart was bursting and I couldn't even speak and through the tears, I composed myself enough to ask, "are you sure? The Doctor told me that I wasn't?" The Nurse paused for a second, but told me, "well the test is very faint, that's why it took so long to call you, it actually took awhile before the sign came up, I was actually getting ready to throw it away before I looked at it again, but I'm going to send you for blood work to be absolutely sure, the Doctor didn't order it, but I'll send your paper work over now so you can go, but it is positive." I thanked her and told her that my husband and I had been praying and trying for 12 years and I was on cloud 9 with this news!! I should have listened more closely to the signs in our conversation, but I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I refused to listen to things like "Doctor didn't order blood work," or "very faint sign" or anything like that, because I was hoping that in some small miracle, life was actually going to be positive for me for once. I even called my husband and told him while crying about the news! He was skeptical and said he will wait until there is an actual baby in his arms before he celebrates, but humored me with the thought of me possibly being pregnant.
So I went and got the blood work done and they told me I wouldn't get the results until next week, because I took it on a Friday, so I waited and for a whole week and I still didn't get my period and I looked at all the signs and kept telling my husband that "I HAVE TO BE PREGNANT...ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE!!" Even the date of conception made sense for me to be pregnant and the symptoms were aligned with everything I was reading for how far along you are, which was a couple of weeks. But then at the end of the week, I woke up to severe abdominal pains and bleeding. My heart sank, but I went online and read that it might be due to implanting since I was supposedly a couple of weeks that's usually what happens an the egg is setting up shop in the uterus. I kept hoping everything was ok and I prayed and just laid in bed not moving an inch, afraid of losing what little hope I had inside of me. I called the Doctors Office again to see about the test and the same nurse who told me I was pregnant ended up taking back everything she said a week prior. She told me, "oh yeah sorry, you weren't actually pregnant, I spoke to the Doctor and he said you had to be a 5 or above to be pregnant and you were at a 2 so you should be getting your period soon, did you experience any bleeding?" I told her yes, I just started yesterday, but it's not like my normal period and I wish you would have told me all this a week ago, before I took the blood test and everything?!" She apologized and I said whatever there's nothing we could do about it now and we hung up. Once again, my heart broke into a billion pieces and the world I knew, started caving in on me. My husband tried to console me and told me I shouldn't of gotten my hopes up to begin with and that nurse was a freakin idiot, but it's okay we will keep trying. I told him I was alright and I sucked it up and told him he was right, I mean after this long for it to just happen, just like that is pretty much impossible. So I just acted like everything was fine and moved on, but the truth is that nurse literally ripped my heart out.
How could she just allow me to go a WHOLE WEEK thinking I was pregnant? It just kept running through my mind over and over and over and I just kept asking myself, "how can this supposed medical professional, go through all the trouble of calling me and telling me I was pregnant if I wasn't?!" Then finally after months passed by, I was sitting in church and it just clicked in my head again, "Why would she tell me I was pregnant, If I wasn't?" So I jumped on the internet on my phone and looked up "what does HCG 2 mean?" Then I started coming across these posting and websites about "Chemical Pregnancies," and thought to myself "maybe I WAS pregnant and instead of saying I had a miscarriage, it was easier for her to just say I was never pregnant?"
A Chemical Pregnancy for those that don't know is a pregnancy that ends very early in the first trimester. When women first become pregnant their hormones start to double which is how pregnancy test get their reading, which is through HCG (hormones). However if it is a Chemical Pregnancy, the HCG levels drop rapidly, which signifies the end of the pregnancy. They say that a chemical pregnancy occurs when the fetus dies immediately after conception due to chromosome issues which doesn't allow the embryo to implant in the uterus where it can grow and develop.
I have to be honest, my heart is still aching and as soon as I read this, my heart broke all over again as I explained it to my husband and told him, it wasn't really a pregnancy, that it was over before it even began. But my husband, being the type of man that he is, looked me right in the eyes and told me to stop thinking like that! He told me, "as soon as that egg was fertilized, you became a mother and carried our baby inside of you and don't let anyone try to take that away from you and tell you it didn't happen!" So maybe I was pregnant and maybe I wasn't, either way I give God the glory that for at least a moment in time I could say that I was a mother......until next time my beloved
It was actually back in the Summer of 2014 that this happened to me, but I guess that's part of why I haven't been blogging in awhile, my heart just wasn't in it.
I actually started feeling symptoms I believe it was in May, you know the sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, my gums were swollen and ached and I had to literally pee every five minutes, but I wasn't sure so I didn't do anything, but then 46, almost 50 days past since my last period and I said to myself that wasn't normal? I've felt all these symptoms before, but I've never gone this long without a period? So I made an appointment to see the Doctor and they ran a test to see if I was pregnant? Once they did the test and I saw the Doctor, he told me I wasn't pregnant and it was probably due to stress as the reason why I haven't had my period, although I told him I really haven't been that stressed out compared to before? I shrugged it off though, because I knew it was a pipe dream that I would ever get pregnant since my husband and I have been married for over a decade and nothing happened. So I went home a little sad, but I moved on, focusing on other things that I was doing at the time, when in the middle of the day the Doctors Office called me and left a message for me to call them back.
I called and when the nurse that called me got on the line she said, "I'm just calling to let you know you ARE pregnant and the test did come back positive." She didn't even have to finish her sentence after "pregnant," I just burst into tears because I couldn't believe it?! FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!! My heart was bursting and I couldn't even speak and through the tears, I composed myself enough to ask, "are you sure? The Doctor told me that I wasn't?" The Nurse paused for a second, but told me, "well the test is very faint, that's why it took so long to call you, it actually took awhile before the sign came up, I was actually getting ready to throw it away before I looked at it again, but I'm going to send you for blood work to be absolutely sure, the Doctor didn't order it, but I'll send your paper work over now so you can go, but it is positive." I thanked her and told her that my husband and I had been praying and trying for 12 years and I was on cloud 9 with this news!! I should have listened more closely to the signs in our conversation, but I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I refused to listen to things like "Doctor didn't order blood work," or "very faint sign" or anything like that, because I was hoping that in some small miracle, life was actually going to be positive for me for once. I even called my husband and told him while crying about the news! He was skeptical and said he will wait until there is an actual baby in his arms before he celebrates, but humored me with the thought of me possibly being pregnant.
So I went and got the blood work done and they told me I wouldn't get the results until next week, because I took it on a Friday, so I waited and for a whole week and I still didn't get my period and I looked at all the signs and kept telling my husband that "I HAVE TO BE PREGNANT...ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE!!" Even the date of conception made sense for me to be pregnant and the symptoms were aligned with everything I was reading for how far along you are, which was a couple of weeks. But then at the end of the week, I woke up to severe abdominal pains and bleeding. My heart sank, but I went online and read that it might be due to implanting since I was supposedly a couple of weeks that's usually what happens an the egg is setting up shop in the uterus. I kept hoping everything was ok and I prayed and just laid in bed not moving an inch, afraid of losing what little hope I had inside of me. I called the Doctors Office again to see about the test and the same nurse who told me I was pregnant ended up taking back everything she said a week prior. She told me, "oh yeah sorry, you weren't actually pregnant, I spoke to the Doctor and he said you had to be a 5 or above to be pregnant and you were at a 2 so you should be getting your period soon, did you experience any bleeding?" I told her yes, I just started yesterday, but it's not like my normal period and I wish you would have told me all this a week ago, before I took the blood test and everything?!" She apologized and I said whatever there's nothing we could do about it now and we hung up. Once again, my heart broke into a billion pieces and the world I knew, started caving in on me. My husband tried to console me and told me I shouldn't of gotten my hopes up to begin with and that nurse was a freakin idiot, but it's okay we will keep trying. I told him I was alright and I sucked it up and told him he was right, I mean after this long for it to just happen, just like that is pretty much impossible. So I just acted like everything was fine and moved on, but the truth is that nurse literally ripped my heart out.
How could she just allow me to go a WHOLE WEEK thinking I was pregnant? It just kept running through my mind over and over and over and I just kept asking myself, "how can this supposed medical professional, go through all the trouble of calling me and telling me I was pregnant if I wasn't?!" Then finally after months passed by, I was sitting in church and it just clicked in my head again, "Why would she tell me I was pregnant, If I wasn't?" So I jumped on the internet on my phone and looked up "what does HCG 2 mean?" Then I started coming across these posting and websites about "Chemical Pregnancies," and thought to myself "maybe I WAS pregnant and instead of saying I had a miscarriage, it was easier for her to just say I was never pregnant?"
A Chemical Pregnancy for those that don't know is a pregnancy that ends very early in the first trimester. When women first become pregnant their hormones start to double which is how pregnancy test get their reading, which is through HCG (hormones). However if it is a Chemical Pregnancy, the HCG levels drop rapidly, which signifies the end of the pregnancy. They say that a chemical pregnancy occurs when the fetus dies immediately after conception due to chromosome issues which doesn't allow the embryo to implant in the uterus where it can grow and develop.
I have to be honest, my heart is still aching and as soon as I read this, my heart broke all over again as I explained it to my husband and told him, it wasn't really a pregnancy, that it was over before it even began. But my husband, being the type of man that he is, looked me right in the eyes and told me to stop thinking like that! He told me, "as soon as that egg was fertilized, you became a mother and carried our baby inside of you and don't let anyone try to take that away from you and tell you it didn't happen!" So maybe I was pregnant and maybe I wasn't, either way I give God the glory that for at least a moment in time I could say that I was a mother......until next time my beloved
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