Ever since I was a little girl and watched An American Tail (1986), I always would sit on my window sill at night looking up at the stars. No, scratch that! No matter where I was, or what I was doing, whenever the days would start to fade away and the stars would awaken the night sky, I always would look up at them. Now that I think back, I think it was because I may not have known a lot of things with great certainty, but whenever I looked up at the stars, I would dream! Dream of the days gone by, of days that have yet to be, or never were. No matter what I was going through in my life, I could always count on my dreams to save me.
When I came of age and got married, I didn't even realize it, but I stopped looking up at the stars, somehow stopped dreaming. I mean I still had dreams. I would dream of finishing school, starting a family,buying my first home, so on and so forth; but those were dreams of necessity or logic. They were not the dreams that you could get lost in for hours or make you have butterflies in your chest.
I reminisce on this childhood experience, because I was out on the town with my husband tonight and as we were driving home, I caught myself looking up at the stars and I started remembering what those stars meant to me. How they were a million wishes and prayers sent up to heaven to be answered. How they were the tears of pain and sorrow saved in heaven in remembrance. They were the light in my darkness and no matter where I was or how alone I felt, they were always there shining down on me and giving me hope for a better tomorrow. As I sat in the passenger seat of our car driving along on the highway of our life, I started thinking about those stars and wondering why I never looked up at them anymore? Did my life become so busy that I no longer have time to dream anymore? Were the stars just a childish notion that I grew out of as I have gotten older? Did I come to a point of definitive consciousness, where I said, "What's the point?"
I am not sure when or why I stopped, but I think it was around the time I got married. Reason being that when I married my husband, my whole life changed. Suddenly all those wishes and prayers that I would send up to the stars, finally came true, all of my tears and sorrow, turned into complete and utter joy and happiness. My husband became my light and I was always surrounded by him and darkness no longer existed. Because of that, I no longer needed to hope for a better tomorrow because every moment I was living was the best moment I thought I could ever experience. Don't get me wrong, by no means is my husband, or our marriage perfect, but the fact still remains, it is perfect for me! Though the stars are a wonderful after thought, I find that I no longer need to dream, because now my life is better than my dreams could ever be and I thank the Lord every day for such a wonderful gift in life he has blessed me with!...Until next time
Monday, April 4, 2016
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
My Confession
Sorry I haven't been on for so long, I seem to be in an existential crisis at the moment. As my birthday approaches and everyone is pointing out my actual age (I'm in my thirties, even though everyone still thinks I'm 19..That's right...I got the forever looking young genes LOL) anyway, I was in my philosophy class today and the topic was on Tolstoy and the meaning of life.
If you do not know who Leo Tolstoy is, I suggest you Google him now, because he was only regarded as one of the greatest authors of all time. I would tell you his biography, but there is too much to tell and such little time that you can just simply click on the links I provided and it will lead you to what you need to know. The reason for my blogging is that in class, the professor asked if anyone knew who Tolstoy was? When he asked, only like 3 people raised their hands. Now mind you, this is a class of 159 students and only THREE people aside from the Professor knew of the author that not only penned War and Peace, Anna Karenina and countless others, but also was a genius in his own right. The reason the professor asked, was because Tolstoy wrote in his bibliography, a portion called "My Confession," which was at a point in his life where he became deeply depressed and started to ponder what the point of his life was? To paraphrase his argument, his conclusion was "What was the meaning of life if in the end there is just death, rot and worms?"
As I sat there, pondering his argument, I started to ponder my own life. WHAT WAS THE POINT? I have entertained this question more than I care to share at this point, but I too have been conflicted with the same disposition as Tolstoy in trying to figure out what the purpose was for everything? I mean, why did I even start this blog to begin with? I started it because I wanted to share my story and let people that were going through the same thing know that there is hope and happiness at the end of the tunnel....but then what? Will anyone remember me 5 generations from now after I am long dead and gone, or will they forget me as if I never existed like Tolstoy? Why am I working, fighting and torturing myself to finish school? So I can work...and then what? So I can be successful in life and have all the things that I so desired and to provide a legacy to my future bloodline...and then what?
No matter what we do, or how hard we try.....We all die in the end! Just some get there sooner than others. It made me think of my life and how I've stressed out and gotten sick health wise for so long and started to think....was it all worth it? IS it still worth it? I feel like some points in my life have been a total waste of time and those are moments of my life that I will never get back! But still...What is the point, if all it leads to is death?
But then I started meditating on the Lord and you know what..everything DOES have a point and my life is meaningful! Death does not have victory, but CHRIST who conquered death, so that we can have ETERNAL LIFE (1 John 5:13; 1 John 5:5; Galatians 2:20). Whenever we start to doubt the Lord, the bible says: But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind (James 1:6)." It also says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). It is the purpose of my life to serve the Lord my God and it is He that gives me meaning and reasons to live. On that note, don't ever think that your life is meaningless or hopeless, yes one day you will be dead and basically worm food, but until then, your life means something and it is worth a whole lot more than you even realize.
If you do not know who Leo Tolstoy is, I suggest you Google him now, because he was only regarded as one of the greatest authors of all time. I would tell you his biography, but there is too much to tell and such little time that you can just simply click on the links I provided and it will lead you to what you need to know. The reason for my blogging is that in class, the professor asked if anyone knew who Tolstoy was? When he asked, only like 3 people raised their hands. Now mind you, this is a class of 159 students and only THREE people aside from the Professor knew of the author that not only penned War and Peace, Anna Karenina and countless others, but also was a genius in his own right. The reason the professor asked, was because Tolstoy wrote in his bibliography, a portion called "My Confession," which was at a point in his life where he became deeply depressed and started to ponder what the point of his life was? To paraphrase his argument, his conclusion was "What was the meaning of life if in the end there is just death, rot and worms?"
As I sat there, pondering his argument, I started to ponder my own life. WHAT WAS THE POINT? I have entertained this question more than I care to share at this point, but I too have been conflicted with the same disposition as Tolstoy in trying to figure out what the purpose was for everything? I mean, why did I even start this blog to begin with? I started it because I wanted to share my story and let people that were going through the same thing know that there is hope and happiness at the end of the tunnel....but then what? Will anyone remember me 5 generations from now after I am long dead and gone, or will they forget me as if I never existed like Tolstoy? Why am I working, fighting and torturing myself to finish school? So I can work...and then what? So I can be successful in life and have all the things that I so desired and to provide a legacy to my future bloodline...and then what?
No matter what we do, or how hard we try.....We all die in the end! Just some get there sooner than others. It made me think of my life and how I've stressed out and gotten sick health wise for so long and started to think....was it all worth it? IS it still worth it? I feel like some points in my life have been a total waste of time and those are moments of my life that I will never get back! But still...What is the point, if all it leads to is death?
But then I started meditating on the Lord and you know what..everything DOES have a point and my life is meaningful! Death does not have victory, but CHRIST who conquered death, so that we can have ETERNAL LIFE (1 John 5:13; 1 John 5:5; Galatians 2:20). Whenever we start to doubt the Lord, the bible says: But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind (James 1:6)." It also says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). It is the purpose of my life to serve the Lord my God and it is He that gives me meaning and reasons to live. On that note, don't ever think that your life is meaningless or hopeless, yes one day you will be dead and basically worm food, but until then, your life means something and it is worth a whole lot more than you even realize.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Mar Mars Toys Christmas Commercial
Hello all my beloveds around the world; I've missed you!! Sorry I haven't been blogging with you all lately, but I have been so busy lately whoring out my......I mean outsourcing my skills and talents to other projects and business endeavors LOL! Anywho, I thought I would come on here for a quick second to just catch up for a second. Let's see, my career is about to take off, I just don't know in which direction, so I am very excited to see which path I end up on? I've been pretty sick most of December which is why I haven't been on here also, but I feel better today so I must really think you guys are special to be spending it with you <3 <3
I have also been working feverishly on creating hair bows and bowties which can be found at www.marmarstoys.com...they are actually pretty awesome, so if you want to check them out, they can be found there by clicking on the link and looking in the Accessories section.
What I am most proud of is the commercial that I wrote, directed, produced, edited, etc. for Mar Mars Toys. Considering that I had no scripts and made it up as I went along and that one of the talents was a 4 year old pre-madonna, I am pretty impressed with what we were able to put together LOL! But then again, I am pretty biased so check it out for yourself and let me know what you think? Also, don't forget to subscribe and follow to see what other madness I might create for them LOL...Until next time....
I have also been working feverishly on creating hair bows and bowties which can be found at www.marmarstoys.com...they are actually pretty awesome, so if you want to check them out, they can be found there by clicking on the link and looking in the Accessories section.
What I am most proud of is the commercial that I wrote, directed, produced, edited, etc. for Mar Mars Toys. Considering that I had no scripts and made it up as I went along and that one of the talents was a 4 year old pre-madonna, I am pretty impressed with what we were able to put together LOL! But then again, I am pretty biased so check it out for yourself and let me know what you think? Also, don't forget to subscribe and follow to see what other madness I might create for them LOL...Until next time....
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