My Dad

Today is a bitter sweet day. A year ago today, I brought home my beautiful son, and on this day, 69 years ago, my father was born. My father was a great man. A man of many stories, laughs and talents. For those that were lucky enough to know him well, they would tell you stories about my dad; stories that were always filled with adventure, danger and lots of laughs at the end. My dad for the better sense of the word was a scoundrel, a street rat, he ruled his barrio in the Philippines, circa 1950's to 60's, and if you needed someone to stick up and fight for you, that was my dad; always prepared to have his friends back in times of need. No matter what..Even if that friend was sick and dying, he literally took off his most expensive jewelry, told the family to sell it and use the money to pay for whatever medical expenses his friend needed. My dad would never leave someone out in the rain, even if it was a stranger. He said it was because he knew what it was like to be hungry, cold and uncertain about tomorrow.

He came to America in 1974, with only $5 in his pocket, the information his contacts gave him was false, so when he got here, he was lost, confused and hungry with no place to go. Luckily for him, he had God on his side that touched the hearts of a couple that lived in L.A and when he told them his story, they took him home and helped him get started on his new life in America.

Now, aside from having many talents, my dad of course was a very good looking man and from a young age, he found he had a talent for charming women. He got a job at Pic N Save and would tell us the stories about all the women that would have crushes on him, but none of the stories mattered as much as the story of when he met and fell in love with my mother. She was barely entering her twenties as he was starting to exit his, but as soon as she saw him, she knew she found the one the Lord made just for her. She just got hired at Pic N Save as well and my dad said she was too skinny at the time for his taste. But that didn't stop my mom from pursuing and charming him and in a few short years they were married and starting our family. Together they raised 9 beautiful children and though raising such a large family had its toll here and there, there was never a doubt of how much love there was for one another. My dad worked hard to provide for his family, always making sure we had enough to survive. When times got really tough, he would turn to his many talents of selling woodcrafts, tailoring clothes, catering his delicious Filipino cooking. Yes, there were hard times, but even in those hard times, we still had each other and that was something my dad always made sure of.

He was so proud of each of his kids as they grew up and started their own lives. He loved his grandchildren to the moon and back and would light up everytime one of them would visit him. Christmas time was my dad's favorite holiday..He said each of our families had the whole year, but Christmas was his holiday. He would stay up all night and early morning cooking all of his kids favorite dishes of sweet rice, Calderata, Adobo, lumpia...you name it, he cooked it and would take extra delight seeing each of his kids enjoying his cooking. This past Christmas he was so weak and sick, but he still stood up all night cooking, just so he could see his kids faces.

He was a strong man, but also a stubborn man, he refused to allow sickness to get the better of him. Even when his kidneys were failing and he was so weak, he would say what can a doctor do that I can't? I can take care of myself!

Of course he would go to the doctor, but towards the end, we think he knew his time was running out and though he didn't tell us, we think he just wanted to live the remainder of his days surrounded by the people he loved and those that loved him most. On January 26, 2018, at 3:58 in the morning, the world briefly stopped turning, the sky became darker and our family changed forever.

Though we are temporarily sad, our hearts are rejoicing knowing we will get to see him again. Knowing he is no longer sick or in pain. Knowing, he is with our Father in heaven who loves him more than we ever could on earth.

His viewing was a celebration more than a mourning. People were not only comforted, but encouraged and given hope through his life and legacy. His viewing and funeral had over 200 attendees and there was such an outpouring of love that the funeral home came to my mother afterwards and said they never experienced anything like it and were so amazed by our family. I know my dad would be smiling at such a party!

But getting to why this is such a bitter sweet day. Today is my father's birthday. Though it's been emotionally tough getting through the last couple of months, today is especially tough, because he is not here to celebrate it. When I get up, I won' be able to go to his house and wish him a happy birthday. I won' be able to bake his favorite pineapple upside down cake that I promised I would make for him or see his smiling face as we sing happy birthday to him. I won' be able to hear his laugh as he tells us one of his silly jokes or stories, or watch him be so proud and play with my son. These are the things I have to accept for today. But one thing I won't accept is forgetting my dad and that he lived. So to honor him on his special day today, I am sharing him with the world. Happy Birthday Rustico Yparraguirre, for as long as I live, my daddy you'll be.

The love of Family

I usually get really depressed around this time. I'm not sure if it's because Summer has come to an end and it's a realization that time is fleeting and another year has come and gone, but I think it goes deeper than that? You see it was around this time that I lost someone very close to me, that I loved with my whole heart and when I lost him, it felt like a part of me died with him. It's been almost 20 years already, but every year around this time, I go into this dark depression. People always say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes, it just isn't the case.  Sometimes, the wounds heal, but the scars are left as a reminder of what was once there and now is gone. I used to get to a point where I didn't even know where and if I would come back? I remember once it got so bad that I became catatonic. I would cry so uncontrollably that when I would get so tired and weak from crying, I would just be numb. I think I said this all before in a previous blog somewhere, so I'll just leave out all the dramatics and just cut the present.  Today, I'm much better with the help and support of my loving husband and family which is why I wanted to blog about it.

Have you ever had one of those days, where there are so many people around you, yet you feel so utterly alone? I was having one of those days today and I wanted to just talk to someone, yet, even though there were people around me, I just felt like I was in such a dark place. It got to a point, where I went into my room with the lights out and was watching videos online and I just wept and cried. I was remembering my lost relative and missing them so much, but then out of the blue, my phone rang and it being so late at night, I didn't think anything of it, but then my phone rang again so I picked up. On the other end of the line was my niece, with her ray of sunshine attitude and with her light, it in an instant brought me out of the darkness.  She called to ask if I can see them as they were visiting my mom and wanted to see me. I told them yes of course and in a matter of seconds, all that pain I had in my heart turned into pure joy, simply by being around my happy, wonderful nieces.  I just wanted to put that out there in the universe.  If you are ever feeling sad and alone, just remember you are not and the best medicine for it is surrounding yourself with people that love you and give you pure joy....Until next time!