I gotta see a man about a horse

Hello friends, how are you today?  I was blessed enough to get the day off from work and thought I should drop in and let you all know what the hell has been happening to me lately.  As you can see from my first sentence, I am still working; YAY! But yesterday, I felt like dropping everything and running for the hills!!!!

It was just a BAD day for me, which is why I think they gave me the day off?  I think they are trying to figure out if I'm going to still cut it or not?  The day before, I did alright; at least that's what I think? Yesterday though, it felt like it was my first day all over again.  I was already in a foul mood because the night before I had an "episode" and didn't really sleep well and then in the morning, I was loading up my truck with everything I was suppose to deliver for that day and I went up this little slope to get to my truck and BLAM!!  Everything fell over and scattered all over the parking lot!! So aside from being tired and achy from the previous day, I was freaking out over what just occurred! My supervisor was gracious with me and told me to relax and just start my route, but I still couldn't believe I did that?! Then I put the address in my GPS for the first delivery, but I put the wrong address and it led me somewhere else and I had to figure out how to get back on track. Once I started my deliveries, it got a little better, but I couldn't move as fast as before, because one, my body is still sore and two, I had to deliver extra things on top of the regular deliveries and that slowed me down a great deal more.  Then my scanner that I use to confirm that packages were delivered and track where I was, kept shutting down and I kept having to restart and wait for it to reload itself, which I felt took another eternity for me.  So on top of being tired, achy, weighed down and behind in my work, I was frustrated with all the little extra things that were happening to me, like the stupid wind that kept trying to blow everything out of my arms and finding where to deliver and it was in the 80's yesterday, which made it even MORE arduous for me!!  I just wanted the day to be over so bad!! Towards the middle, I felt like just abandoning ship, dropping everything and just telling them I QUIT!!  But instead, I sucked it up, called for back up and freaked out when my back up came and I realized how behind I actually was! When I got back to the office, I was comforted by my co-workers who informed me that EVERYONE has had one of those days and even shared their stories with me and were very understanding.  So I know I sucked yesterday, but that just means I could only get better right?  Truth be told, I don't know yet because they gave me the day off...teeheeehee...but tomorrow is still another day.........Until next time!

I'm just so sad

I feel like I'm stuck! Hello my beloved friends around the world, how have you been? As for me, I've been working. To be honest with you, I am truly grateful for my new job, but am quickly finding that I doubt I'm going to last very long at it? First off, it is VERY physically demanding and the wear and tear its doing to my body is agonizing! Secondly, it has to do with speed and accuracy and although I'm fine with that, the pressure of everything combined with the pressure of "am I going to make probation?" Is absolutely terrorizing! I find myself waking up feeling sick to my stomach, my hands clammy and in a cold sweat just thinking about the beating I'm going to get for the day. To make things worse, yesterday I was monitored by practically every person in upper management and today when I called for my clock in time, they told me NOT to come in today?

To be honest, I'm relieved to get the day off because EVERYTHING hurts and I had a nervous breakdown last night, so I kind of need a day to regain my composure. What cause the nervous breakdown you ask?

Lately, to relax, I've been playing this online game called Candy Crush; I don't know if you ever played it, but it's like a puzzle game, where you match different colors to get high scores or unlock things. So I've been playing it to take my mind off of things and last night I was playing a level where you had to bring down "ingredients," like cherries or nuts and get a certain score in the game to win, but the only thing is that you only have so many moves to do it in. I managed to get all but one ingredient down and get the high score, but I ran out of moves and lost the game. That's when I lost it! I know something so trivial can make it sound so pathetic of me, but that's the honest truth; I cried over a lost game. Well actually, it wasn't because I lost the game, but because I felt like that ONE game just about summed up my entire life. In fact, I even said, "story of my life," right before I broke down. I just feel like everything is at my fingertips and just when I get close enough to win, I get stuck and " run out of moves and lose." It's like no matter how hard I try, NOTHING ever turns out in my favor. I worked so hard in my last job and all it got me was pain and heartache, I spent the last year on a roller coaster ride feeling so inadequate and now that I have a job, I feel like it's slipping through my fingers because once again I feel inadequate. I just feel so sad!! I spent the majority of last night crying and I think I've cried more this past month than I have last year! I'm just so tired of feeling worthless and not good enough and like im never going to make it. Well that's it for now I guess, until next time......