Hello beloved! Sorry I haven't been writing for awhile, so much has been happening that I haven't had the energy! I was feeling inspired though and thought I would come on and share.
As I was doing my wifely duties today; you know, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, dishes, ironing my husbands work clothes, etc. I was listening to my playlist on my phone. I always like to download songs that describes something that relates to my life or my marriage and I like to think that I am compiling a song list to the soundtrack of my life. At any rate, I was listening to my lifes soundtrack and I started thinking about my life and my husband as songs often make us do and it was a song by Christina Perri titled A 1,000 years and also another song by my favorite band The Civil Wars called To Whom it May Concern, that really got me thinking. These songs are about loving someone before even knowing who they were and that's EXACTLY how it was with my husband.
I was thinking back...waaaayyyy back from when I was a little girl. I never could sleep very well, I was always afraid of the dark and never felt safe, so I would put pillows next to me in order for me to feel secure enough to sleep. I wouldn't use just one pillow and cuddle with it either..NO, I would use like 10 and make a small mountain, then I would either cuddle or put my feet up over them and then I would fall asleep. After I got married, now that I think of it, I don't use pillows anymore, because when I turn to my side, I see that same exact mountain and feel secure..LOL But to be honest, I always felt so insecure at night, but since I got married, from that first moment that I laid down in my marital bed and my husband put his arms around me to cuddle, all my fears and insecurities melted away and I felt safe and secure enough to sleep.
It was like before I was married, I was only living half a life, like a HUGE part of me was missing and I knew in my heart that it was Marko and that he was out there somewhere looking for me too. As cheesy as it sounds, I am a big movie buff and when I was younger, one of my favorite movies was An American Tail, where they sang this song that still gets to me until this day titled Somehwere out there. Okay that's not the cheesy part, the cheesy part is that I use to sit at my bedroom windowsill and sing that song as I looked up at the great big moon in the sky and I would wonder if he was looking at that same moon and somehow we were connected? Yeah I know, cheesy right? Nah, I'm just a hopeless romantic like that! Anyway, as you probably read in my first blogs where I spilled about our whole love story, I would literally see him in my dreams, but never his face because I didn't meet him yet. Truthfully, I think God did it that way, because half the fun of the journey was trying to find him and if I already knew who he was, then what was the point of that adventure?
All in all, the point of my crazy ranting is that I missed my husband before I even knew him. It was like in my dreams I could see the magnificent romance of it, but when I woke up, he was gone. I think that is why I slept so much when I was younger because when I was awake it felt like an eternity before I would see him again in my dreams. Then when I got married, I stopped sleeping so much, because finally my waking reality was my dream come true.....until next time beloved <3
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