Hello my wonderful friends around the world! Sorry I haven't been blogging in a while, so much has been happening that I just couldn't find the time; where should I begin?
Well as of right now, what is going on with me at this very moment is that I think I am getting attacked by a ghost flea or something??!! I woke up soooooo itchy and I have what looks like bites, but I can't find the corprate? aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh I think I need to take a shower ASAP, because even my hair is starting to itch!!! now my ears..I hope it is just bites and not an allergic reaction because I can't afford any hospital bills right now! What else can happen though right?
At this point, pretty much everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. I am still out of a job and through the grace of God, I have made it this far, but I recently checked our bank account and looking at it, I can barely pay the rent, let alone our bills and the only income I was counting on might be taken away, because I reached my maximum balance on my unemployment and I don't know if they are going to extend it? I've been looking for a job like crazy, but like always, its the same story; either the position has already been filled and they will keep me in mind or they decide to go with another candidate. Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhh, this is just so frustrating, I just want to give up and hide under a rock! But if I don't keep pushing through and getting my resume out there, I won't find a job and then my husband and I will most likely end up living in a van somewhere down by the river.
That's life though right? It's not always so black and white or roses all around. It's hard. And when you think that things can't get any worse, it's just the icing on the cake.
I recently watched a movie at my aunts house called "October Baby." It's a Christian movie about a girl who was suppose to be abborted, but miraculously was born and then put up for adoption and to just give you the main message about the movie, it was about forgiveness and letting go. I really felt like a connection with this movie, because there has been so many things that I have been holding on to that I need to learn to just let go, but that's another blog, I brought this up, because there was this one part, actually no, I stand corrected, there were TWO parts in the movie that just made me cry. One part was that the girl got arrested and was telling the cop why she did what she did and the cop told her, "To be human is to be beautifully flawed." And when I heard that, I was like wow, that's a good quote, but it was the second part that really made it all make sense. It was where the girl felt lost and angry and ended up at this cathredal and she was telling the priest all of her problems and it's what the priest said that really broke down a wall for me. He said, "Life isn't always black and white or perfect, we need to know that things happen, things that will hurt us and are messy, but it's nobody's fault, we have to hate the crime, not the criminal. To forgive is to be free and if you forgive so should the Son set you truly free. When I heard these things, I was like wow! I eternalized it and realized that there were so many things that were holding me back, not because I was scared or sad or depressed, but because I couldn't let go.
I believe that I am human and with that fact, I am beautifully flawed in every way. But with everything that is happening to me , both in the past and now in the present. I truly believe that it is for God's glory that in the future, when the Lord calls for it, I can be a servant and be a comfort and guiding light to those who are going through the same circumstances. Though it seems like I am in my darkest hour, I truly give God all the praises and glory, because truth be told, I asked for this! Remember in my past blogs how I said God is a funny God, he gives you what you want but not exactly the way you want. But that's what's so awesome about God, he does it to show you not what you want, but what you need. I asked the Lord to use me, to guide me, to help me to reach out to the multitudes, but I also asked the Lord, how can he use me? I am just one person and I don't know how to reach out? Then all this happened and here I am telling the world, about my Lord and Savior and how great he is! Even though everything seems like it's upside down, I truly believe that God has a purpose and a plan for me and I trust in him that he will carry me through this on the wings of eagles and I will soar high above all of my tribulations.
Okay me beloved, I think I said enough for one sitting, my whole body is itching really badly and I think that's my que to let this go and take a COLD SHOWER!!! I would love to hear feed back from anyone to see if anyone is actually reading these blogs or if I'm just throwing things out there into the universe? Until next time......
No comments:
Post a Comment