Hi Friends, sorry if I'm not my chipper self today, I've been pretty bummed all day. I don't know if it's because my aunt Flo is visiting or what, but I'm not having a great day.
Yesterday was awesome!! I was feeling so pumped and rejuvenated!! As I have been reiterating for the last year, I have been jobless. I have been applying to a million jobs, posting my resume, doing phone interviews, group interviews, face to face interviews and yesterday, I thought, I FINALLY got a break, but as the Lord should have it, it didn't work out. You see, aside from looking for professional office jobs, I have also been looking for childcare provider positions, as I love working with children and have extended years of experience in that field, as well as education, being that Child Development was and is my major in College. So to cut to the boring chase, I recently got a bite and someone contacted me regarding watching thier daughter on the weekends while she worked and on the posting it said $15 an hour. Well you know me, I was like "HECK YA!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!!" and BAM, I shot her an email, expressing my interest in working for her. We exchanged a couple of emails and yesterday we met and I found out her daughter actually goes to school in my neighborhood and the family wanted to move to where I live. The meeting appeared to go well and the mom and daughter seemed to like me so I got excited and thought this truly was an answer to my prayers because this family was everything I was looking for; close by so no commuting to work, the child was potty trained and all I needed to do was interact with her, because she was five and pretty much can communicate if she needed anything, the only thing was that the mom said she was willing to do $12 instead of $15 and I was like that's fine (in my head I was like it's still better than nothing, $12 for 10 hours is $120 for one day of work). So I was so excited and thankful and felt like things were starting to look up for me, until......
I got a text this morning from the mom stating she can't afford me after all; what does that even mean if she was the one that set the price??!!! I am so confused, but I still haven't replied back to her, one because whats the point if she doesn't want me watching her daughter anymore and two it just crushed me when I read it.
Like I said, I don't know if it's because of my aunt Flo that I'm extra sensitive or because of this whole job search journey, but I'm so depressed today! I just keep thinking to myself, it's okay, God has a purpose and a plan and He only did this because he is planning something really great for your Russhelle, you just wait and see, but I also can't shake the feeling of me not ever being good enough?!
I mean what do you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? (Sorry I stole this from a glee song, but this is how I'm feeling right now) I feel like no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it right and that I'm just not good enough for ANY job out there!! The only jobs that want me, I can't except because the pay is too low and the jobs that I feel I qualify for and would pay me what I want, seem to just want to "keep my resume on file," and what not. Aaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!! I don't know what else to do, all that I know is that I can't give up and I won't give up because I can do ALL things in Christ who gives me strength and though I feel like I'm wandering in bitter darkness, I know the truth, that God is carrying me through this. Okay my beloved, I'm done venting now, thanks for listening, or reading my pain for tonight, sorry it couldn't be a happier blog, but hey, there's always tomorrow so good night young princess and princesses and may your dreams be sweet and your days be joyous!! Until next time......
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