Hello my friends around the world or in my head, I really can't tell the difference anymore, but I just wanted to give you all an update on what the hell happened to Russhelle this past month!!
As you may or may not of known, I recently lossed my job a couple of months ago and I have been on an emotional roll-a-coaster since! I think I went through like every emotion humanly possible:
At first, I was relieved as I really felt that it was time to leave that job. I was always stressed out, I developed horrible acne because of it, I was always sick and they were constantly making shady and inconsistent changes throughout the company. At any rate, on my fateful last day, I guess my stress and all the changes got the best of me and I had a falling out with the company and they let me go. I was fine with it and applied for unemployment and figured that I would have another job in no time, but with todays economic times, even though I have applied to about a million jobs by now, I have yet to find anything secure and it turns out that the shady company I used to work for, started to slander my good name and wanted to deny my unemployment benefits making up some outrageous lies about how I supposedly did misconduct and was insubordinate and so and so forth. Well my relief quickly turned to anxiety and frustration and above all else, just straight out sorrow, because all that I wanted to do was cut my ties and move on with my life, but just to be greedy and spiteful, this company wanted to drag me through the mud and take me to court!!
All the stress that melted away just a month prior, quickly came flooding back as I became anxious and stressed out about my pending case. I wasn't nervous about why I got "fired" I was stressed out because this company is based on a foundation of lies and I was afraid that the system might side with them and I would lose the last of my only income! The funny thing about trials and tribulations in life is that it is a real test of your faith and being a Christian that was raised in the church, I meditated on God's word and asked for a lot of prayers as I myself prayed long and hard to the Lord. As I meditated and prayed daily, the Lord started to speak to me. For all you believers, I know I don't have to explain myself, but for those of you who don't, I don't mean literally like I am speaking to you right now, but more on a spiritual level like in the scriptures that I would read and the sermons I would hear and just having everyday spiritual conversations with loved ones and all that God kept telling me was "FORGIVE and LEAVE IT UP TO GOD TO TAKE CONTROL!"
I remember that I was lying in bed one morning and was watching one of those sermon shows and there was this jewish lady preaching and she was funny and straight forward and she was telling the congregation about how she got into this really heated argument with someone from church and words were exchanged and she told the guy off and hung up on him and she said,"usually when I do something that's not right, I get convicted right away, but I must of been REALLY mad, because it took about three days before God started tugging at my heart. And even though God started to convict me, I really didn't want to listen to God, because I wanted to be right and so I called the Pastor from the church and told him about the argument and how he acted towards me and how God was telling me that I should apologize and forgive him and I thought for sure that he would side with me and say "Oh yeah, you shouldn't talk to him, he deserved it, but you know what he told me instead?!!!! Well, you should do what God tells you to do and if God is telling you to forgive him, then you should do it!" I felt a connection to what she was talking about so I continued to watch and listen to her sermon and she continued to say, "You see even though God was telling me to forgive him, I wanted to be right and I wanted to have my way and I was like No God, he deserved it! But then God tugged at my heart once again and said, even though he was rude and lost his temper it didn't give you the right to do the same!" She said, "You see, we need to be the examples in this world and the light in the darkness. In this world it is so easy to just get mad and loose it, but as believers in God, we need to show the world his Love and kindness, because that is the only way they will truly understand his mercy and grace."
After that, everything made sense and clicked for me. I spent the last four years of my life giving into this world, taking the easy way out, thinking that I can do it on my own when the whole time I should of just trusted in the Lord and kept my cool. Don't get me wrong, I continued to pray on a daily basis, but when it came to people who scorned me or hurt me, I would hold on to it like a torch and all that it would do is burn and hurt me more. So I said to myself, "with the faith of a mustard seed, I can move the tallest mountains and I can do everything in Christ who strengthens me!!" I laid all of my burdens at the throne of my Lord and Saviour, trusting that he will be my tower of refuge and strength.
When the court hearing came, I did not have a planned out case, a professional lawyer or a strategy of how I was going to win my case. All that I had was the truth and my faith and I PRAAAYYYED!! Not only did I pray, but for the whole week prior I called on the support and prayers of everyone that I could think of and as I sat in the waiting room, waiting for my case to be heard before the judge, I cried one last time and asked God to give me strength to face these giants who were out to destroy me and as they entered the waiting room with hard, vindictive faces on, the moment that my eyes met theirs, all that I could do was smile!! All this time, I didn't want to face them, but when I finally did, I had nothing but joy in my heart to see them and when we went before the judge and they said their lies and I spoke my truth, in the end the Lord truly had control of everything and I won my case!!!!
I know that a lot of people that might read this would say, you just sound like some religious lady trying to preach to me. But my beloved friends, please understand that all that I am doing is telling you my story and about how God is truly working in my life, I am not trying to judge or persuade you I am just filled with so much joy and love in my life that I want to SHOUT IT OUT TO THE WORLD that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND HE IS TRULY IN CONTROL!! As I end this blog, stop me if you heard this one: If you want to hear God laugh.....tell him your plans!!! Until next time......
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