I Faced the Giants and Won!

Hello my friends around the world or in my head, I really can't tell the difference anymore, but I just wanted to give you all an update on what the hell happened to Russhelle this past month!!

As you may or may not of known, I recently lossed my job a couple of months ago and I have been on an emotional roll-a-coaster since! I think I went through like every emotion humanly possible:

At first, I was relieved as I really felt that it was time to leave that job.  I was always stressed out, I developed horrible acne because of it, I was always sick and they were constantly making shady and inconsistent changes throughout the company. At any rate, on my fateful last day, I guess my stress and all the changes got the best of me and I had a falling out with the company and they let me go.  I was fine with it and applied for unemployment and figured that I would have another job in no time, but with todays economic times, even though I have applied to about a million jobs by now, I have yet to find anything secure and it turns out that the shady company I used to work for, started to slander my good name and wanted to deny my unemployment benefits making up some outrageous lies about how I supposedly did misconduct and was insubordinate and so and so forth.  Well my relief quickly turned to anxiety and frustration and above all else, just straight out sorrow, because all that I wanted to do was cut my ties and move on with my life, but just to be greedy and spiteful, this company wanted to drag me through the mud and take me to court!!

All the stress that melted away just a month prior, quickly came flooding back as I became anxious and stressed out about my pending case.  I wasn't nervous about why I got "fired"  I was stressed out because this company is based on a foundation of lies and I was afraid that the system might side with them and I would lose the last of my only income! The funny thing about trials and tribulations in life is that it is a real test of your faith and being a Christian that was raised in the church, I meditated on God's word and asked for a lot of prayers as I myself prayed long and hard to the Lord.  As I meditated and prayed daily, the Lord started to speak to me.  For all you believers, I know I don't have to explain myself, but for those of you who don't, I don't mean literally like I am speaking to you right now, but more on a spiritual level like in the scriptures that I would read and the sermons I would hear and just having everyday spiritual conversations with loved ones and all that God kept telling me was "FORGIVE and LEAVE IT UP TO GOD TO TAKE CONTROL!"

I remember that I was lying in bed one morning and was watching one of those sermon shows and there was this jewish lady preaching and she was funny and straight forward and she was telling the congregation about how she got into this really heated argument with someone from church and words were exchanged and she told the guy off and hung up on him and she said,"usually when I do something that's not right, I get convicted right away, but I must of been REALLY mad, because it took about three days before God started tugging at my heart.  And even though God started to convict me, I really didn't want to listen to God, because I wanted to be right and so I called the Pastor from the church and told him about the argument and how he acted towards me and how God was telling me that I should apologize and forgive him and I thought for sure that he would side with me and say "Oh yeah, you shouldn't talk to him, he deserved it, but you know what he told me instead?!!!!  Well, you should do what God tells you to do and if God is telling you to forgive him, then you should do it!" I felt a connection to what she was talking about so I continued to watch and listen to her sermon and she continued to say, "You see even though God was telling me to forgive him, I wanted to be right and I wanted to have my way and I was like No God, he deserved it! But then God tugged at my heart once again and said, even though he was rude and lost his temper it didn't give you the right to do the same!" She said, "You see, we need to be the examples in this world and the light in the darkness. In this world it is so easy to just get mad and loose it, but as believers in God, we need to show the world his Love and kindness, because that is the only way they will truly understand his mercy and grace."

After that, everything made sense and clicked for me. I spent the last four years of my life giving into this world, taking the easy way out, thinking that I can do it on my own when the whole time I should of just trusted in the Lord and kept my cool. Don't get me wrong, I continued to pray on a daily basis, but when it came to people who scorned me or hurt me, I would hold on to it like a torch and all that it would do is burn and hurt me more. So I said to myself, "with the faith of a mustard seed, I can move the tallest mountains and I can do everything in Christ who strengthens me!!" I laid all of my burdens at the throne of my Lord and Saviour, trusting that he will be my tower of refuge and strength.

When the court hearing came, I did not have a planned out case, a professional lawyer or a strategy of how I was going to win my case.  All that I had was the truth and my faith and I PRAAAYYYED!! Not only did I pray, but for the whole week prior I called on the support and prayers of everyone that I could think of and as I sat in the waiting room, waiting for my case to be heard before the judge, I cried one last time and asked God to give me strength to face these giants who were out to destroy me and as they entered the waiting room with hard, vindictive faces on, the moment that my eyes met theirs, all that I could do was smile!!  All this time, I didn't want to face them, but when I finally did, I had nothing but joy in my heart to see them and when we went before the judge and they said their lies and I spoke my truth, in the end the Lord truly had control of everything and I won my case!!!!

I know that a lot of people that might read this would say, you just sound like some religious lady trying to preach to me. But my beloved friends, please understand that all that I am doing is telling you my story and about how God is truly working in my life, I am not trying to judge or persuade you  I am just filled with so much joy and love in my life that I want to SHOUT IT OUT TO THE WORLD that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND HE IS TRULY IN CONTROL!!  As I end this blog, stop me if you heard this one: If you want to hear God laugh.....tell him your plans!!! Until next time......

The End which was only the Beginning

Hello my friends, sorry it's been awhile since I last blogged; so much has happened in the last month, I really don't know where to begin?! For now, lets just finish the story from where we left off.....

Well being the man that Marko is, he said to himself, "Oh man, it's now or never!!" So as the coffee shop closed and everyone was getting kicked out, he waited at the door and asked one of the male employees that he overheard talking earlier if he could "call that short, squeaky girl out for a minute?" Shocked, but compliant, the male employee called out towards the back of the store, "Russhelle!! Come here real quick, there is someone who wants to talk to you!" "Tell them to go away, NO SOLICITING!!" "Russhelle, just come out here for a minute!"  "NO, GO AWAY, WE'RE CLOSED!"  But as fate or should I say the Lord should have it, I reluctantly went to see what all the commotion was about and there standing outside the door of the coffee shop was that young gentlemen with the denim jacket that I caught staring at me earlier and as I approached, I could feel my heart start to race yet slow down at the same time, it was a very odd experience that I really can't explain other than the way I just did. "Yes, what do you want?" I replied in a sarcastic, but friendly voice.  "hhhmmmm(this is the sound that came out of his nose as he was nervous and when he gets nervous, a humming noise comes out of his nose)  I was wondering if you were seeing anybody? hmmmmm," (Oh my gosh I thought to myself, I hope this isn't a regular thing with him, this sound that he's making)? "Yes, actually I see a lot of people, I see you, that old lady walking that dog, that guy over there....."  hmmmmmmmmm...hahaha" he nervously laughed, hmmmmmm I was wondering if I could get your number so I can get to know you better?' hmmmmmmm"......At that moment something very peculiar happened as I NEVER gave my number out to ANYONE..to be honest there are still people and family members trying to get my number, but like I said before there was something pulling at me and without any hesitation I said, "Sure, what the hell?!" I took his phone and entered my phone number and when I gave it back he called it right in front of me "there, so now you can have my number too." (although I think it was to check that I didn't give him a fake number). "Okay, well it was nice meeting you, I have to go close up now so if you'll excuse me." As he walked back to his friends car, his friend was like"Oh man, I can't believe you just did that right now (sounding a little peeved), "I know, I can't believe it either..Oh man I just realized something!"  "What?" I didn't give her my name!!"

The next day, I decided to sneak out of the house in the early hours of the morning.  My sister-in-law and her brother were quietly waiting for me in the car and at 5:00 A.M. we started our adventure.  You see there was some unfinished business with me and my ex-boyfriend and a lot of unanswered questions and since he didn't want to answer any of my calls, text or emails; I took it upon myself to finish the business myself.  So with my support team and a box of old memories we drove to his house, which was pretty far by the way and considering it was my first time driving and I didn't have directions to where we were going, I think we did fairly well!  At any rate, some hours later, we finally found his house, but it was still early and everyone was still sleeping.  But it just so happened that his dad owned a convenient store and was heading out to open the store when I pulled up.  He greeted me with a hug as he adored me and took me inside the house to where his sleeping son was. "He can feel you here." He said while his son started waking up and on that note he left.  His son did wake up and I returned a box of unwanted memories to him as well as discussed what happened in our relationship.  But since it wasn't going anywhere, I decided to take my leave and left.  My sister-in-law, her brother and I stopped at a nearby Jack In A Box to get some breakfast as it was now 8 A.M. and we were starving and my sister-in-law and her brother comforted me and told me that this was a good step, because now I can close this chapter and move on with my life.  Later that day, we dropped my sister-in-law back home and her brother took me for a driving lesson on the freeways.  We were having a great time hanging out and we stopped by a Petco because he wanted to buy his sister a Sponge Bob Square pants aquarium that she'd been wanting and since we were there, we decided to have some fun of our own.  So he dared me to eat one doggy treat from the doggy treat bar and if I did, he would buy me my very own dog ID.  

For anyone that knows me, knows that you really don't want to dare me, because I WILL DO IT! So without hesitation, I took a doggy treat that looked like a shortbread cookie and ate it (I must say, it really wasn't that bad, although it tasted kind of bland).  Anyway, I won the dare so there we were at the Dog ID station, creating my reward when all of a sudden my phone rings, "who the heck is this calling me?"  Oh wait this is the guy from last night, Aaarrrgh, here you answer it."  I said as I threw the phone at my friend, "Hello? May I ask who's calling?" (In the meantime, I was shaking my head mouthing "I'm not here!" even though it was MY cellphone he answered) He tossed the phone back at me and I had no choice but to say, "Hello, This is Russhelle." "Hmmmmm, Oh hi Russhelle, I don't know if you remember me, but we met last night...Hmmmm."  "Ooh yeah, I remember you; you are  smooth aren't you? You planned this all along, not giving me your name so that way you have an excuse to call me," I said jokingly. "Hmmmmmm, Hahaha no, sorry I was really nervous last night and forgot to give you my name which is why I am calling, it's Marko by the way...hmmmmm." (All the while I was thinking to myself, there it is again, what a nerd!!  I just hope that this is just a nervous tick and nothing permanent!!) "Haha, okay Marko suuuuuuuuure you were nervous and forgot. I hate to cut it short, but I am about to drive right now and don't want to crash and die so would it be okay if you call me later?" "Ummm okay I'll talk to you later then, hope you have a nice day, bye." "bye."  I know I sound cold hearted, but I swear it was a defense mechanism, like I said before I just broke up with a horrible person and really didn't want to go on another roller coaster ride, so this time I was going to have my guard up..Anyway, I don't know why I have to explain myself, I already said I was off men remember?!

A week went by and I was at home feeling sorry for myself, laying on the couch, not wanting to deal with anything, which was hard to do since my older sister who likes to dictate things was there that day trying to tell me to move on and get a life.  Just then my phone rang, "Who's that?" "Oh nobody, just some guy I met at work." "Why don't you answer it, maybe you can go out and get over that jerk for once and for all." "Aarrrgggghhh, I don't feel like talking to anybody today, I'll call him later leave me alone." I said while I rolled over on the couch, just then,  I heard from behind me, "Hello, who's this?  Marko?  Well Marko, you sound like a nice enough guy, why don't you take my sister out or something to get her out of this hump that she's in?" About now, I am so annoyed with my sister and can't believe how pathetic she is making me sound right now! "Oh yeah, you definitely should tell her that, here let me give her the phone." I am so annoyed and pissed off that I refuse the phone, but she throws it at me anyway saying "you'll thank me for this later." so again without a choice I reluctantly answered the phone, "hello?"  "Hmmmm, Oh hi Russhelle how are you today?"  "I'm kind of tired to be honest with you, why what happened?" I said a little cold heartedly "Oh, sorry to hear that, i was just talking to your sister and she thought it might be a good idea if we went out sometime, so I was wondering what you were doing in two weeks?"  "What's in two weeks?"  "Valentines Day, I figured maybe you could be my valentine?" "What the heck, sure why not, but I'm working that day so can you pick me up after work?" "Yeah that sounds great, I'll see you then and I know you are tired so I'll let you go and rest for now; talk to you later."  

Two weeks went by and just as he promised, he picked me up after work.  To be honest, I was dead tired from working all day and one of my dearest friends from high school already came by earlier that day and decided since we were both single that we could be each other's Valentines and brought me a teddy bear and roses to cheer me up, so I really didn't care to go out and be romanced, but since I gave my word, I had to keep it so I freshened up in the stores bathroom. I didn't even change or anything (like I said, I really didn't care at this point so I was still in my Starbucks uniform) and when I came out of the bathroom, standing there waiting in the center of the store was Marko.  As our eyes met, I could see fireworks in his eyes as his face lit up and he took a breath as if he was trying to catch what escaped him. "Hi, are you ready to go?" he said excitedly, "Well I'm as ready as I'll ever be, so yeah I guess, where are we going?" I said, in order to make small talk.  "Have you ever been to Old Town Pasadena?" Pasadena?!! Isn't that some far off distant land?! I said surprises as I lived in East L.A. my whole life and never been anywhere else really, so I truly thought it was REAAALLLY far away. "Hahaha, no Pasadena is just like one city away it's really close." As we got to the car, he ran ahead of me and opened his passenger side door for me and on the seat was a little bouquet of maybe three short stemmed roses (they weren't as nice as the roses I got earlier, but all the same I thought that was a really sweet move on his part.) "I got them short stemmed cuz they reminded me of you, you know cuz you're  so short." "Oh yeah, that's cute," I said while getting into the car. He closed the door behind me and quickly ran to the drivers side. "Okay, are you ready for our date?" Yeah, sure whatever, " I said as I was tired and just wanted to get the date over with.  

The date was something out of a movie I think.  We had dinner at Johnny Rockets, which was a 50's diner and I do love anything retro, so that was a plus.  Afterwards, we walked around Old Town Pasadena, just joking around and talking like two love birds, while we kept trying to playfully push the other into oncoming traffic.  We walked to the movie theatre at the end of the strip and watched Lord of the Rings, which is where I fell asleep halfway through the movie.  Sorry all you L.O.T.R fans, but like I said I was dead tired from work and those darn trees just kept talking and talking!! At the end of the movie he gently tried to wake me up and as I was coming out of my slumber, I can feel his hand attempting to hold mine as I heard that nervous tick again, "Hmmmmmmm," as he bent down to my ear  and whispered, "princess, it's time to wake up now, the movie's over, time to get up now princess." As I opened my eyes to look up at him, I replied "What?! Is the movie over already, it barely started??!!  Oh man, did I knock out?!  Sorry, those trees, I just couldn't help it during that never ending tree scene...I didn't drool did I?"  As I started wiping my face to make sure, "No, you're fine, you still look beautiful." "Okay, Okay, you don't have to try so hard for brownie points," I said jokingly. But to be honest, I really didn't mind the way he was talking or treating me, it was very refreshing after coming out of such a horrible relationship.  As we walked back to our car, there was a solo saxophonist playing Frank Sinatra's "Someday" and as we strolled down the sidewalk, this time arm in arm, for the first time in my life,  I started to feel something I never felt before starting to burn inside me.

After that date, he called me a couple of days later and told me, "I think we should go out again?" This time with more confidence in his voice, although he still had that nervous tick thing going with his nose. "What? One time wasn't enough with me? I fell asleep halfway through our first date for goodness sake! Why do you want to go out with me again?" Well," he replied, "Consider our first date like an interview for a job, you passed the interview stage, now I want to hire you for the job." "Hahaha," I laughed, "Oh man, don't I need to fill out an application first? What job am I even interviewing for?" 

I did go out with him though and after a couple of months, Marko finally got rid of that nervous nose tick and he felt more confident in his decision to take our relationship to the next level. "I want us to be exclusive, will you be my girlfriend?" "No," I replied (as I said before I really didn't want to get hurt again, so I had my guard up). "Why can't we just keep our relationship the way it is? I mean at some point one if not both of us is just going to end up hurting the other and we are probably going to end up the same way we started; hurt and alone. Let's just enjoy each other's company and continue being friends." Marko knew too well, what I was talking about and how I was feeling so he very gently told me, "Listen, I know you've been hurt, I've been hurt too and if you need more time to realize what I already know, then so be it, I WILL wait for you, but just know this, I have enough "friends," what I am looking for is someone to possibly share my life with and I truly believe that someone is you, so I am willing to wait, but I won't wait forever." When he told me this, that just blew my mind!!! I mean, he just saw right through me and with his confidence and the way he said it, I was like "OH NO HE JUST DIDN'T!!!!"  Taken aback, I mustard the courage to say, "Why do you even want me, I'm damaged goods!!" I said with tears in my eyes, just like that, with that one statement, he managed to knock down a wall that I thought no one could ever break through?! "My heart has been ripped to shreds and is in a million pieces, I don't want to get hurt again, I can't and I won't!!!" Here, I thought I had him now and he would back down from his crazy love talk, but no, I was wrong. "Listen Russhelle, I'm not HIM!  I know you've been hurt, hell, I've been hurt too, but you can't punish me for his stupid mistakes! HE is a total idiot you know that!!  He really doesn't know what he lossed when he let you go; you know what you are?  You are a Princess and should be treated as such and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life showing you what a real man is and how he should treat you!! Tears began to stream down my cheeks as all the walls began to crumble down around me. How can this guy, who I barely met a couple of months ago manage to see and love me just like that so easily, when my whole life prior no one else was able to do it? I still resisted his advances to rush into a serious relationship, but he just kept doing everything right, I could not believe it!  

There was this one time, we were talking on the phone and I was sick and it was late at night, probably around 9:00 p.m and I told him, "I'm so hungry!! I can really go for a First Street burger right now!" Is that what you really want?" Yes!" I said since I was sick and hungry, "and some orange juice too!!" Sniff, sniff as I blew my nose into the phone and wiped away my mucosos, "Okay, I'll go get it for you, is there anything else?"  Oh yeah, my brother's hungry too, can you bring him a burger combo too?" I have to be honest with you, I was hungry, but it was more of a test to see what he would do, and do you know what this crazy guy did?? He drove TWO CITIES over, bought me my burger combos, drove to the market, bought me a gallon of orange juice and tissues and drove all the way to my house in the middle of the night to hand deliver it all to me and my brother, then drove all the way home to call me and make sure I ate it and sweetly talked to me until I fell asleep on the phone, even though he had to wake up really early in the morning to go to work the next day.  After that, I was sold and we were married a month or so later and just as he promised he has spent everyday since treating me like a princess and making me fall even more in LOVE with him!!!....THE END...OR ACTUALLY TO BE CONTINUED :P